A Single Girl's Guide To Know If He Is Relationship Ready

                   A Single Girl’s Guide to Know if He is Relationship Ready
                                            

                                                 Denise Wade Ph.D.

Most men crave a woman’s feminine gifts and affections, but they are not ready to give back what is needed to make a mutually satisfying relationship work. You see, the majority of men have been built with different gifts than women. Women are born with natural relationship intelligence, that’s part of the maternal skill set needed for childrearing. Guys, on the other hand, are not typically aware of when they are able to invest themselves and their emotions into a relationship. So it is important to follow their actions and not their words. Remember there are three forms of availability: Physical, Emotional, and Relational.

If you are dating a guy that you just met or have been seeing him for sometime now, and are not quite sure if he is committed to you or to the relationship, take this short Relationship Ready Quiz that may offer some insight.

Men, more so than women, lack intentional awareness when it comes to their own emotions and knowing when and if they are “available.” I work with many single women who date men, young and old, single, divorced, some with kids, some without, men who have absolutely no idea that they are not emotionally, relationally, or physically available. Yet there they are on online dating sites, in singles clubs, or asking women out as if they are fully functioning.

                                       Relationship Ready Quiz

1) Did he move at a healthy pace entering into the relationship? If he moved really fast he will most likely exit really fast. If he moved really slowly he is most likely not sure about you or not emotionally healed from a previous love. (Emotional Availability)

2) Do his actions match his words? When a guy is relationship ready, he makes a promise or commitment and usually keeps it. Don’t waste too much attention and energy listening to what he says he will do for you, or how he says he feels about you. A man that is into you will not talk about it; he will show you. (Relational Availability)

3) Is he available on weekends? If he is not able to see you sometime during most weekends due to his career, family obligations, or personal responsibilities, then he is not available. His life belongs to work, his children, sports, friends, or even … his wife or girlfriend. ( Physical Availability)

4) Does he introduce you to family or friends or even his dog? If a guy is mature and feels you are relationship material, he will not wait long to introduce you to at least one significant person and share you with the special people in his life, and not keep you in hiding. (Relational Availability)

5) Does he talk about the future and include you in those plans? Even just mentioning something as simple as Saturday night plans with you, excluding sex, suggests he wants you in his life for more than friendship or just a physical relationship.( Physical Availability)

6) Does he talk about his ex in an angry or negative way? If he does, there is a good chance he has not made closure with their break up. Indifference to the ex is the healthiest mindset and indicates no relationship toxic residue still lingering. ((Emotional Availability)

7) Do his kids know he is seeing you? If you have been dating a week or two, he may feel it is too soon. However, if you have been dating for three months or more, and are exclusive, and he still has no plans to introduce you to his kids, he may not be serious about you. Many men never introduce any woman to their kids. Often they feel they need to keep the two worlds separate, not wanting to upset the kids.
(Relational Availability) 

8) Does he want to spend holidays with you? If you are special to him, he will want to spend at least a portion of each holiday with you. (Physical Availability)

9) Have you been invited to his house? If you only meet at public places or use your place as the meeting spot, then it may just be sexual and not a real relationship. (Relational Availability)

10)  How much of your conversations does he spend getting to know what you like and need? Guys who are serious about their relationship want to make their woman feel fulfilled and meet her needs. He will take great pride in spoiling her. If he is emotionally healthy, he will be better equipped to meet her needs rather than he selfishly using her to get his own needs met. (Emotional Availability)

11) Can you count on him to call you several times a week, and not just email or text? Need I say more? Or does he just text or email you for sex or when he’s bored, lonely, or hurting? (Relational/Physical)

Honestly answer these questions for yourself. Only you have the power to see that you are getting treated the way you deserve. If your guy is not emotionally, physically, or relationally available now, it is a very high probability the situation is not going to change for the better. Remember the old fairy tales: kissing a frog does not turn him into a prince. Perhaps it is not the right time in his life to start a relationship. Do not wait for him to express that to you; he most likely is not aware of this himself. Ask yourself if you are settling and deserve more than he has to offer.

Copyright © 2011 by Denise Wade, Ph.D.  All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission. 

Denise Wade Ph.D. CMRC is a Dating Mentor, Transformational Educator, Author, Researcher, and Marriage Expert. Denise empowers, teaches, and inspires women to release emotional baggage, heal past pains, identify unhealthy relationship patterns and triggers, and be seen and heard in all their relationships. She is passionate about helping women create positive, loving, long lasting relationships. www.sweetharmony.net