How To Love Yourself When You're Feeling Unloved By Everyone Else
Show yourself the love you truly deserve.
unsplash / toa heftiba The secret to learning how to love yourself lies in building confidence and nurturing your self-esteem.
Despite how much we can give to our families, friends, and other people in our lives, it often doesn’t feel reciprocated. You feel taken advantage of or as if you aren’t a priority for anyone.
So it’s super important to make yourself a priority to you. Yes, this means practicing self-love.
While I know this is easier said than done, learning to love yourself and taking some concrete actions reminds you that even when you feel unloved and unappreciated, there is someone that always loves you: you.
So if you feel like no one around you truly loves you, here are 8 ways to love yourself in the way you deserve.
1. Buy that thing you wanted
Yes, I know you give everyone hints. And you consistently gift the people in your life.
I know that you really believed that if your husband/best friend/mom/sister/daughter got that one special thing for you, then you’d feel loved and appreciated.
And while buying it yourself may not give you the same feeling as if it was given to you by someone else, it’s time to stop waiting for others to give you what you want.
It’s time to love yourself enough to give it to yourself. So, buy the purse, coat, or necklace for yourself!
2. Invest in something that will upgrade the quality of your daily life
To do this, you need to know how to be more confident. Is there any particular area of your life that feels lacking? Or a moment in your day that can use an upgrade?
As a way of loving yourself, upgrade the quality of your life.
Buy the espresso maker if you want to enjoy a nice latte at home. Purchase the lighted makeup mirror if you want to have a better experience putting on your makeup. And invest in a beautiful set of dishes to feel a little spoiled when you eat your dinner.
This can go to experiences as well as items.
If you have a long commute every day, find a new podcast to inspire you (or subscribe to Audible). If writing in your journal is something you want to do more of, find a pen you love to write with and a journal that you love writing in.
Though we often overlook the little things, they go a long way in improving our mundane, everyday experiences.
When you invest in little ways to make your daily life more beautiful and pleasurable, you’ll find that it’s easier to love yourself no matter how tough times may get.
3. Schedule a Mental Health Day
One of the biggest complaints I hear from women is that they have no time to themselves. So, love yourself enough to remedy that.
Schedule a vacation day on a random weekday. And actually take time to just chill out.
Do not keep the kids home from school. And, no, don’t tell your dear husband to take off that day, too.
Rather, it’s about having a day to do whatever you desire to do: go to a movie, get a manicure, or sit on your couch with a novel all day.
4. Schedule a lunch date with your best friend
There’s something about spending time with our girlfriends that lifts us up and allows us to feel loved, nourished, and important. And, if you can manage it, as a way to love yourself — and your dearest friends — schedule a girl’s getaway.
Science tells us that spending time with long-term friends improves our mental health and boots our feel-good hormones.
Besides, who but our BFF can we vent about the mundane things in life? It can be the mirror we need to remind ourselves how important we really are in the scheme of our world.
Our friends can help remind us to do the work to love ourselves and we can mirror that back to them.
5. Make note of less than stellar experiences
For the love of all that his holy, if you've had rotten experiences recently, figure out how to keep them from happening again.
Did you want to go out for New Year's Eve but sat at home, instead? Begin making plans for ringing in 2021.
Did you hate the office Christmas Party? Make a note on your calendar for next November to decline the invitation.
Did your sister-in-law make Thanksgiving a big drama fest? Write yourself a reminder right now to do something else for Thanksgiving next year.
Oh, and if you discovered that come December 1st, you were too tired to do any more Christmas shopping, make a note to begin shopping in September.
Also, make a note on the day after Labor Day to schedule all your appointments for the holidays: haircut, manicure, eyebrow wax, and more.
When we are further away from an event, we tend to forget the bad moments. Dig into your memory now and as a way of loving yourself, ensure you don’t repeat untenable situations next year.
Avoiding them can go a long way to feeling more loved and nourished in the next holiday season.
6. Get rid of clutter you don’t really love or need
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in more than a decade of being a life coach it’s that clutter gets in the way of us loving ourselves and our lives.
So, set a timer for twenty minutes, grab a trash bag, and go through one area of your home. I like starting with my closet or bedroom. Toss stuff you don’t love, doesn’t fit, or you don’t need into the bag.
Though this may not seem like a way to love yourself, what you’re doing is shedding what’s in the way.
Excess stuff distracts us from living our best lives. And when you’re already feeling unloved and unappreciated, having stuff you don’t need in the way can bring you down.
7. Upgrade one item in your make-up bag
After having teenage daughters, I know how adding to their make-up collection can make their day. But how about you?
Though it may feel as if putting on makeup every day is a waste of time, in all honesty, it’s a way to boost your confidence.
So, rather than put on the same, old, cheap makeup day in and day out, upgrade something. Maybe it’s a better wearing foundation or new blusher.
Perhaps it’s the investment in an eye shadow palette that pops. Or maybe it’s finally buying a red lipstick that makes you feel on top of the world.
Choosing better quality makeup can go a long way into feeling like you love yourself instead of just tolerate yourself.
8. Make a list of all the ways you are awesome
Though I’d love to tell you that a conversation with your spouse or kiddos is the path to feeling self-love and self-appreciation, in all honesty, happiness and love for yourself is an inside job.
You want to be able to say, "I love myself."
To bolster your opinion of yourself, make a list of all the ways you are an awesome human being.
If it’s helpful, remind yourself of all of your triumphs through the years — the first prize in the science fair when you were in fifth grade to being the only one to ace the first college exam.
Write these things down by hand — a big, long list of all the ways you rock. This allows you to remember that you are worthy of love, affection, and kudos even when you’re feeling like you're being advantaged of by others.
The truth is what you think of yourself matters more than anything else, especially when it comes to being able to love yourself.
Rather than allowing yourself to wallow in feeling blue. And as if no one appreciates or cherishes you the way you deserve. Remember that love starts with you.
When you make the decision to love yourself no matter how others behave, you’ll find that life feels so much better.
Make the choice to choose your own happiness and find ways to love yourself. You’ll be ever grateful now and next year, too.
Debra Smouse is a life coach and author who discovered that when she fell in love with life, it loved her right back. Get a free e-book and a bi-weekly love note.