If You Can’t Beat Him, Play With His Balls

I can hear it now.

“What the hell is David saying? I need to go play with a guy’s balls and I haven’t even met him yet?”

Calm down. We’re talking about football.

That’s right—football. Instead of being afraid of it, embrace it.

You want to meet men?

Watch football.

And you won’t just meet the beer guzzling, nacho-eating, burping football guys, because—get this—every guy likes football.

You’ll find me on my couch every single Sunday, so if you want to get my attention away from the game, you better wear something really cute—maybe one of my big shirts, maybe a football shirt, maybe a little cap that says New York Jets on it and then tell me how bad my team is.

You get the drift? You get where I’m coming from?

If you want to meet men during this time of year, you bust their balls on the team that they like.

That’s right. You go to a sports bar where guys are watching football. You put on your absolutely adorable little ball cap that basically is your favorite football team and you walk in there and you go, “Oooh, look at me. I am cute, I am adorable, and I am going to sit here, I’m going to torture you and smile at you and get all the attention away from the football game.”

Ladies: you must infiltrate the not-so-secret society of football watchers.

Nothing is better than a cute, adorable woman who teases a guy on his favorite team.

I strongly suggest you watch ESPN as often as you can. Learn the names of all the teams. Pay attention to the star players.

Knowing all this information is going to put you into a rare and elite class of women that knows what she’s talking about when it comes to sports.

And there’s nothing sexier to a man than a woman that can hang in a football conversation.

Are you ready to meet some great men?

Are you ready for some football?