3 Not-As-Obvious Reasons Divorce May Be The Best Thing To Ever Happen To You
It's time we reframed divorce.
Jishnu Radhakrishnan | Pexels / DARSHINI_K27 | Canva / ivotheeditors | Getty Images Divorce: empowering and powerful, lasting, a sense of relief, the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Divorce: not a nasty check box on a form that says "Divorced." Divorce is freeing. It allows you to recognize the mistakes you made in your relationship and gives you a fresh, clean slate. Divorce is a way to allow the children to see their mother happy and in love with somebody else.
Can I keep going on? There are many reasons why divorce is such a powerful and amazing experience. A woman emailed me the other day and said, "David, I do not believe in divorce and have two daughters. That said, my husband runs back to the television screen for most of his time after work. He spends every single night alone, in front of the TV, not talking to anybody. I tried to get him to spend time with us. He doesn't want to."
You see, he has already divorced you in his mind. He's married to the television and is doing anything he can to avoid physical and emotional contact with you. Those are his "other wives": poker wives, gambling wives, football wives, golf wives, and TV wives.
When you don't believe in divorce and you want to keep the marriage together, you allow your children to see unhappy people together. Your daughters are seeing the man in your life retreat into TV. When they get older, they're going to expect their man to retreat into TV. They're going to expect a relationship to be between two people who don't want to spend time together. Two people who are not happy.
"'Til death do you part" is a long way away. Here's why divorce rocks.
Here are 3 not-as-obvious reasons why divorce may be the best thing to ever happen to you:
1. Your children will thank you in the long run
To stay with somebody for a long period of time when you're not happy is setting a tone for your kids; they are learning from a bad relationship. When you set that tone, your children learn that's the way to love and that's how to show love. They show love by watching television, or by allowing a man to escape to the golf course for 12 hours every Saturday and Sunday.
Divorce rocks. I know it's a painful thing to go through; believe me, I've done it. But, I also know what it's like to be with somebody I do not belong with. It's a lot worse to live under the same roof as somebody that you're not in love with and to live under the roof as somebody where you're in a brother-sister roommate type of relationship. To go out on a Saturday or Sunday as a family unit and not feel connected to the mother or father, or not feel connected to your partner, is wrong. Kids feel this. They see the energy.
2. You'll be happier if you're with someone who likes you
Another reason why divorce rocks. You're not getting any prettier or skinnier. What are you going to do, wait forever so you can get out there and meet somebody. You're going to give away the best years of your life to someone who doesn't appreciate you, doesn't love you, doesn't want to be with you, and doesn't appreciate you as a woman.
Your kids can tell this story when they’re dating: "Yeah my parents were together for like 20 years, but they were never really happy. They used to fight all the time, never spent time together, and because of that, I've become a dysfunctional mess in my relationships." That's what you're doing.
We're setting a precedent for our kids to see. We're telling them that it's okay to be in a relationship where you're not happy just because you have religious beliefs or don't think divorce is a good thing.
Divorce is admitting the fact that you made a mistake, admitting the relationship doesn't work anymore, and admitting after all the conversations, the circular talks, the fights, and everything else, that you're no longer going to torture one another.
3. You will be much, much happier
You might become better friends after the relationship breaks off, appreciate each other, see each other for the people you really are, and you may show the kids what a happy mother is. Re-framing divorce doesn't mean that you failed; it means you took that relationship as far as you possibly could. Now, you're going to get healthy and find a better relationship for you.
C'mon, you deserve love. You deserve to feel, to be a dork, and to connect with a man who wants to be with you. You DON'T deserve one that would spend an entire night watching television ignoring you, sleeping on the other side of the bed like there's a dividing line between the two of you, or drinking with his buddies on a Friday night.
Divorce rocks.
David Wygant is a dating coach who spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been offered across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.