A Few Words About Men And Porn

Despite the phenomenal growth of the internet as a source of information, entertainment, social networking and product marketing, few businesses have profited more than “adult entertainment” sites – in other words: Porn.  Websites that appeal to the voyeuristic tendencies in men, consistently rank as the most popular and lucrative web-based destinations.  And why is this?  Because, like it or not, guys are very visual, and we love to see naked women engaged in sexual situations with men or (even better) other naked women.

“But isn’t there something fundamentally wrong with this?” I hear you ask.  “If my guy is really into me, why would he even want to look at other women?”  The answer is easy:  No matter how hot you are, men are inherently aroused by the idea of variety in their sexual partners. But though we have a strong desire to experience a virtual endless array of libidinous women, we recognize that even if we could make that happen (and let’s be honest, most guys are scrambling just to find one woman willing to offer regular refuge to their penis), it would destroy any meaningful romantic relationship we had and expose us to a rather unpleasant milieu of virulent and sometimes deadly social diseases.  Thus watching porn allows us to live out our various sexual exploits without the risk of infection or infidelity.  We are able to insert ourselves into these web-based fantasies without actually inserting anything anatomical.  And as long as we don’t endeavor to make actual one-on-one contact with anyone, we are merely exercising our creativity (and probably one or both hands) in an effort to satisfy our longing for multiple partners without violating any vows or promises.

“But isn’t it still ‘cheating?’”  Only if merely thinking about doing something is a crime.  Because, after all, there is no contact.  He is simply fantasizing about people he will never meet.  And if you believe just thinking is a crime, perhaps you should turn yourself in to the authorities for all the times you mentally committed assault and battery (or worse) on the drivers who cut you off in heavy traffic.

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Let me make one important point at this juncture.  In this article, I have been referring to the overwhelming majority of men who occasionally or infrequently happen upon one dirty site or another.  I am not talking about the men who live for porn.  If your guy starts missing meals, work, or opportunities to have real, live, in-person sex with a willing partner, than he has a serious problem.  And as with any addiction, he should seek out professional help.  Also, I am referring to sites that depict sex acts between consenting adults.  If your man is frequenting sex sites that feature underage girls or barnyard animals, his voyeurism has gone from harmless fantasy to disturbingly illegal activity.

So what does this all mean?  It means that, barring obsessive or criminally deviant behavior, the casual surfing for web porn (in the privacy of his own home) is a normal part of most contemporary men’s internet experience.  It’s anonymous, safe sex with a stranger your man will never touch, taste or smell.  And therein lies the downside for him, and the reason that for a healthy man in a healthy relationship this virtual world will always take a backseat to sex with his significant other.  For as sexy and appealing as an onscreen temptress can be, nothing can truly compete with the warmth, feel, and flesh-to-flesh contact of an intimate romp with a woman who actually calls out your name when things heat up and who never interrupts the proceedings with an error message or a buffering problem.

© 2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.

Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who's worked on some of television's best shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com.