Intuitive Healer Reveals Top 3 'Chemistry-Enders' She Sees Early In Relationships
Do you make these mistakes on first dates?
Africa Images | Canva We all get nervous on first dates; it's a natural part of the dating process. However, you can avoid the three most fatal dating mistakes, which will help set the stage for successful dating experiences in the future.
Avoiding these three mistakes will make your date smile wider, laugh harder, and keep him/her wanting you more and more.
Intuitive healer reveals top three 'chemistry-enders' she sees early in relationships:
1. Poor manners
You're sitting at the table with an attractive date. The conversation is flowing well, and each of you feels intrigued by the other. You're thinking, "This is a person I would love to have in my life." Then suddenly, one of the following things occur:
- He utters a few curse words to punctuate a story he's sharing.
- She picks food from her teeth with her fingers.
- He begins dominating the conversation and oversharing.
- She takes a cell phone call, responds to a text, beginning a conversation with someone else on her electronic device.
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Nothing kills chemistry faster than poor manners. Let's review some common courtesies that often go forgotten. Leave the locker room and talk in the locker room. Few dates, men or women, are impressed with a sailor's mouth.
Practice good table manners. Be mindful to use toothpicks, and napkins, and chew with your mouth closed! And, ask them questions. According to research from the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, someone who asks questions is seen as interesting and attractive on first dates.
Save the texting or cell phone calls for another time. The only exception to this rule is if you are a parent of young children, and need to remain in touch in case of an emergency.
2. Comparing your date to your ex
One of the most common mistakes in dating is to share comments that compare your current dating partner to your ex.
Comparisons may include comments such as: "Oh wow, you look just like my ex." "The way you speak reminds me of my ex." "When you tilt your head as you talk, it reminds me of my ex." "You have the same build as my ex." Or worse: Your date might accidentally call you by his ex's name.
Comparisons to your ex immediately discount the uniqueness of the person in front of you and say, "I am seeing you through a lens of comparison to someone else whom I was intimate with, rather than accepting you for your unique self."
Sharing that comparison can lead some people into talking about their ex, and rehashing the previous relationship. This is another major dating no-no. It's certainly not the way to start a new relationship.
Years ago, I remember going on a blind date with a man who looked identical to my ex-husband. Of course, I noted the similarity in my mind, but also said to myself, "This is not my ex, so I am going to look for and focus on qualities that are unique to this wonderful man. I'm going to enjoy him for who he is."
My date felt flattered that I observed and shared the many unique things that I found attractive about him.
This process of observing and sharing was also beneficial for me because it affirmed that I had indeed processed all my feelings about my ex, and was in a good place to move forward in dating. I could do this without comparing new people in my life to my ex.
3. Poor follow-up
You've had that first date and are feeling intrigued. You've also been told the feeling is mutual. Excitement is high, and you're really looking forward to seeing your date again.
Then you hear, "Er...let's have a coffee or dinner someday" and no specific plans are offered. Screech — listen to the sound of the brakes being hit hard!
This kind of vague offer to get together again communicates several things: a lack of interest, a lack of confidence, and a lack of desire to make solid plans.
If you are truly excited to see your date again, be very specific. "I am really into you and cannot wait to see you again. How about Wednesday at 5:30 pm? Can I take you to dinner?"
Nothing is more attractive than a person who can express confidence and comfort with setting up a date in a very specific way.
Also, know that if you get into a habit of accepting dates with people who make vague plans, you are effectively teaching that person to treat you with disrespect. It is not a good precedent to set in a new relationship.
Take it from me, who had to learn the hard way from dating the King of "Let's play all our dates by ear and just wing everything." Vague plans get old quickly and do little to make you feel valued in the relationship.
We all are worth that special excitement that comes from looking forward to spending time with a person who is just as committed as we are. Creating a specific time and place to enjoy each other is the perfect way to show your date you truly care for them.
D. Kay Hutchinson has been a medical qi gong specialist for over 20 years and is the founder of Aiki Healing.