4 Brutally Honest Reasons Why He Texts But Never Asks You Out
...and how to respond when he finally calls.
Getty When you've just started dating a guy, it can be positively frustrating trying to figure out if you should text him, call him, or wait for a call from him.
This is even worse when the guy texts but doesn't make plans until you ask.
For example, has this ever happened to you? You meet a new guy for coffee and have a great first date. He's easy to talk to, has a good sense of humor and gave solid answers to your questions. You feel tentatively positive. Then the week goes by. He texts once or twice, but doesn't ask about the weekend.
He finally calls you — on Friday — to talk about the weekend.
"Are you free tonight?" he asks.
Well, you purposely left the weekend open hoping he would call. So you say yes.
So you go out and have another great date. It's so nice to talk to a man you can have a great conversation with. You smile, laugh and share similar ideas about life.
Then, you don't hear from him all week, except for some texting. This time, you can't take it. You want to know what's going to happen for the weekend and waiting for his call is driving you crazy.
You go back and forth, wondering, "Should I text him and just ask?" Then you worry that your tone won't come across right in text.
You assume, of course, you will have a date with him.
So, you decide to be bold and just call him. What's the big deal, right?
When he answers, he seems happy to hear from you. When you ask about the weekend, he says he hasn't given it much thought. You tell him you are trying to make plans, so you need to know when he wants to get together. The good news is, he suggests going out on Saturday night.
You have another great date. This relationship is going great and you have some momentum.
The next week ticks by with a few fun texts, but not much more. Thursday arrives and you start wondering, "What the heck? Is he not going to plan ahead, again? Should I call him? Why is he acting like this, especially when we have such a good time together?"
Once again, you're left wondering, "Should I text him or just wait for his call?"
The big questions is this: Why doesn't he just call sooner?
It's a good question. I have some answers about why he doesn't call that might help clear things up. This dating advice offers possible reasons.
Here are 4 reasons why he texts you but doesn't make plans until the last minute.
1. He's just not that into you.
As Greg Behrendt says in his book by the same name, sometimes "He's just not that into you."
This simple answer cuts deep, but has a great deal of validity. While you and your date may have a great time, it didn't necessarily mean the same thing to him as it does to you.
2. He's not in relationship mode.
While he certainly enjoys your company, he's more relaxed about seeing you.
3. He doesn't know that you're a planner.
Last weekend you were free at the last minute. So, what's the big deal about making plans? He assumes that you've probably got very little going on.
4. He is not a planner — and is actually sort of lazy.
Why make plans when he can get the women to call him and take care of it?
In light of all these possible answers, what should you do? Should you text him? Does he really like you, or is he just killing time with you?
I know you're anxious to see him. And I know it seems harmless to send a simple text to ask about weekend plans — but don't do it.
Here are four reasons why you shouldn't continue being the only one initiating plans:
- If he's not that into you, you might as well know as soon as possible. You delay finding this out if you don't wait to see if he will contact you.
- If he doesn't have the same dating agenda as you, you should find out sooner rather than later. For example, he may be casual dater while you want a relationship. Don't pick up the phone. Wait to see how hard he tries, which will tell you more about his agenda.
- If you call a man because you are impatient or think it's not a big deal, think again. The last thing you want to do is give a man the impression that you have nothing else going on. That won't make him want to pursue you. This doesn't create mystique or make him curious about what is going on with you. When you have a full life of your own, you are much more attractive to men.
- If he's lazy, and you don't mind always being in charge, go ahead and call him. But don't get mad later when you are tired of being the one making plans. Keep in mind that you trained him this way from the start. So, you will have no one to blame but yourself when you get sick of it.
The best dating strategy is to make plans for yourself.
Don't want to wait for a call froom him until the last minute? Then don't. Make plans of your own and go about your life. Find fun things to do with friends.
When he calls at the last minute, you can say, "Oh, that sounds like fun. Too bad I already have plans. Maybe next week."
You can feel free to offer an alternate time, which lets him know you are interested, but he will also get the message that he needs to make plans in advance.
If he truly has interest and wants to date you, he absolutely will do just that.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is a dating coach who's been helping successful single women find lasting love and build strong relationships. If you're tired of those last-minute texts, listen to her free audio program, 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Man.