3 Reasons You're Still Very Single — And Exactly What You Can Do To Change That
It may have a big impact on your love life.
spixel / Shutterstock Does it ever seem frustrating when a man just won’t approach you or initiate things, no matter what you do? You're tired of being single, and it's impacting your self-confidence and self-esteem.
If you want to know how to get a date, it might be time to embrace a more active role in your dating life and learn how to ask a guy out.
Constantly wondering "why am I single?" can sometimes make you wonder if there’s something wrong with you.
Your inability to get a date can gnaw away at you if you let it. But in a lot of cases, it really has nothing to do with you at all.
In fact, it may have more to do with what you are doing right… rather than some perceived flaw on your part.
3 Reasons You're Still Very Single — And Exactly What You Can Do To Change That
1. You think you have to wait for someone to come to you
Many women will idly wait for a man to make the first move, whether that is approaching her, texting her, asking her out, or anything else.
They do this because they do not want to come across as desperate, needy, or as if they lack femininity.
But here’s the thing: being passive and being feminine are not the same things.
So many women have equated the two things in their minds, thinking they just need to wait for a guy to do all the work. This, of course, is a lie. Femininity and passivity are not the same things.
And, sure, it would be nice if that would happen, but in many cases, it just isn’t.
And that can be a good thing.
2. You may be unintentionally attracted the wrong men
When you play a passive role in dating, you are, of course, going to only meet and interact with people who are taking the active role.
So, for example, if you just wait for men to approach you, you will only interact with men who approach women.
Unfortunately, most men do not regularly approach attractive women that they do not know or do not have some sort of connection with (such as being a friend of a friend).
Sure, occasionally a normal, quality guy will work up the courage to approach a woman he is attracted to. That absolutely does happen.
But if you simply wait for a man to approach you, you will typically attract men who are comfortable approaching women. Namely, players and pickup artists.
Of course, there may be the occasional quality man in the mix, but he will probably be the exception more than the norm.
3. You don't know how to be proactive and feminine
This is especially true if you are particularly attractive or if you have a lot going for you in life.
Men may be a bit more cautious about approaching you or asking you out if they really admire or appreciate you.
That’s not to say that they are intimidated or turned off by your success, but rather they feel that they need to “get it right” when they approach you or ask you out.
You’re not just any woman to them, but someone they really desire. They feel the stakes are higher, so they stall and hesitate in order to make sure that they are prepared and ready.
That’s why he may not call when he said he would. He’s nervous and anxious that he’ll blow it with you.
This is where it can be helpful for you to be a bit more proactive, while still being feminine.
Show him that you are interested in him. This will encourage him and help him see that you are welcoming his advances.
Of course, you don’t want to come across as over-invested. That will make you look desperate or needy.
But there’s nothing wrong with flirting a bit or sending him a few signals to let him know that you’re into him.
You have to learn to be active in your dating life.
So, instead of just being passive and settling for the players and pickup artists who are just looking to fit you into their own agenda (which probably does not include a relationship or commitment), it may be time to play a more active role in your own dating life.
Rather than being passive, play an active role. Approach a guy you are curious about or interested in. You don’t have to make it into a big deal. Just strike up a conversation with him with the intention of getting to know who he is and if you might be interested in even dating him.
Send him a few signals that you’re into him.
If he’s interested in you too, he’ll probably welcome your interest. It will encourage him to take the initiative and ask you out.
Once he knows that you like him and that you’re willing to be receptive to him, it is much easier for him to take the lead the way that you want him to.
And, the best part of all of this is you’re exposing yourself to a higher quality man, who is ready and interested in commitment or a relationship if he meets the right woman.
Clay Andrews is a dating & relationship coach and co-founder of Modern Love & Advanced Relational.