How To Get In The Mood, Even When You're Seriously Stressed Out
Stop waiting for the perfect mood to strike to get frisky.
getty There’s so much stress in the world right now, and getting excited to be with someone you love sometimes feels hard to access.
Stress is definitely one of the biggest mood killers and one of the leading causes of unfulfilling relationships.
So, managing stress is essential. But before we dive into ways to cope with and manage stress, let’s set the record straight when figuring out how to get into the mood when you have what seems to be low libido.
There are two myths about sex that must be debunked:
1. In order to have sex, you must already be turned on.
If you are waiting for the perfect mood to strike so you can get frisky, then you might end up waiting for a long time. When we begin dating, being turned on isn't usually an issue. In long-term relationships, often it becomes more difficult to be turned on around your partner.
We get used to one another and the hormones aren't flowing the way they used to. Often, resentment builds up and gets in the way of the "I want you, now." What that means is that it takes dedication and attention to continue experiencing a passionate relationship.
You find the perfect moment by being in the present. If you make it about what sex provides for you (connection, love, energy, "aliveness", joy), rather than sex happening only when everything else is perfect, then it doesn't matter what mood you are in. Your focus then is all about what it brings to you and your partner.
Do you really think that I am excited every morning about doing my workout? No, certainly not. However, I love how I feel afterward. In those days when I have to push myself, I focus on my ‘why’s,’ and the joy I get from having a toned, fit, strong body.
It is the same when it comes to sex: find the motivation behind the act.
The key? Sex is about providing the other person what they need. This means dropping your expectations of a particular outcome and simply showing up. Meet them where they are at.
2. Your partner needs to get you in the mood.
Being turned on is an inside job, therefore it’s a choice you make at any given time. You want to be the kind of person that inspires your partner to be aroused, but it’s never your responsibility to make them "horny" or "happy".
Stay in the moment, use your senses, be curious, and explore.
Sex is something we have to learn on our own by understanding ourselves and our bodies. Once we have established this connection, then we can communicate our desires and wants to someone else.
Asking for what you want is sexy and taking responsibility for your arousal is essential.
The key? Practice self-care, and nurture and increase your sexual energy and creativity. When you can fill your own cup, you don’t feel so empty or needy when you meet with your partner.
How do men and women cope with stress?
For a man who is stressed, getting his testosterone level up will bring his stress level down. Sex is often a way for him to release stress and it works very well for him.
For a woman who is stressed, the idea of sex depletes her even more, especially if she has to have an orgasm.
The cycle of giving and receiving nurturing support helps women cope effectively with stress. Most women are over-givers and they need to learn to receive. If they can drop into receiving, then sex can reduce their stress.
The concept here works very well. If the man needs to take action in order to lower his stress level, then taking charge and "doing" his woman with the intention of serving her will achieve that.
If the woman needs to receive and be nurtured in order to lower her stress, then opening up to him and receiving him fully will replenish her. The result is both parties feeling satisfied, nourished, and having increased polarity, which translates into increased attraction and desire.
Here are some easy ideas to lower your stress levels quickly and efficiently:
- Go for a nature walk.
- Practice three minutes of belly breathing.
- Meditate.
- Receive a massage.
- Listen to music.
- Exercise.
- Take a nap.
- Laugh.
- Talk about sex.
You don’t have to let the fast-paced world we live in dictate the mood you’re in. Make time for yourself and for your relationship. Come back to your body, enjoy your senses, and the stress will melt away.
Céline Remy is a Holistic Sexologist and Certified Sexological Bodyworker. She offers a unique body-based methodology to crack open her clients through pleasure. She teaches both men and women how to unleash their sexual potential, bring out the best in each other and have mind-blowing sex for hours. Get started today with your free unlimited access to videos, how-to's and more by joining the Sex Vault, the place to get real about sex.