10 Painfully Honest Reasons Why Your Relationships Keep Failing
If failed relationships are a constant in your life, there may be reasons behind them.
Gorodenkoff | Shutterstock Every relationship you've been in never seemed to last. You might feel like there are endless answers to the question, "Why am I single?" As human beings, we have this innate tendency to behave the same way and expect a different outcome. Thus, being in unhealthy, toxic relationships ends up becoming a habit. Do you often find yourself in a toxic relationship? Or a relationship that makes you feel like you're losing yourself? Or maybe the person you're dating is not someone you expect and you end up breaking it off or vice versa. If your continuous efforts to have a successful and healthy relationship have been an epic fail, you need to look internally at what you could be doing or how you may feel that is hindering your ability to have a prospering relationship.
Here are 10 painfully honest reasons why your relationships keep failing:
1. You're bitter about love because of past relationships
Whether it's because of betrayal or unresolved relationship problems, we've all had our hearts broken at one time or another and it sucks. I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. It does leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth. But, if you don't deal with the heartbreak and past experiences, more often than not, your relationships will end.
2. You have childhood trauma
This can be any form of abuse, neglect, or anything a person feels was psychologically harmful to them and their development. If you haven't worked through these issues, you're more likely to continue being in toxic relationships. So, you better start working through those issues now if you want success in any of your relationships. If you don't cope with the trauma, your negative feelings are likely to present themselves in your relationships. So, do it for yourself and your future significant other.
3. Your standards are too high
Let's be clear here that I am not saying you need to throw away all of your standards because that would welcome all types of people, including sociopaths, into your life. I am saying that there are going to be a few things you'll need to compromise or waiver on. Newsflash! We are not getting any younger and the pool of choices gets smaller and smaller as we age.
4. The person you're trying to get together with is unavailable
Well, if this means the person is taken, it's pretty clear why the relationship failed or never happened. If the person is emotionally unavailable, that has nothing to do with you. This reason is pretty self-explanatory.
5. You have this notion that you have to give up who you are when you're in a relationship
You should never have to give up who you have worked so hard to become just because you enter a relationship. You should still have your independence as a person as well as who you are as a person. No one should ever make you sacrifice that, especially not in healthy relationships.
6. You don't look at your behaviors and actions in situations
For some reason, many people have a difficult time admitting their faults. In every situation, it's guaranteed that you can find a behavior, action, reaction, or statement that was wrong or inappropriate and own it. If you can't, then the relationship is doomed.
7. You have a difficult time trusting others
Difficulty trusting others is a common reason why relationships fail. If you've been burned in the past or been lied to, you may question whether or not someone is telling the truth. Before getting into a relationship, make sure you work through those experiences so you don't project those feelings onto someone else.
8. You have low self-esteem or low self-worth
You should not be putting your worth and how you feel about yourself in the hands of someone else. It will end up failing you and hurting you 9 times out of 10. You need to learn about yourself and figure out who you are as a person because only then will you be able to determine what you want and don't want out of a relationship. If there is one thing I can't stress enough, it is that only you have the power to define your worth and who you are. So take the time to do that.
9. You fear being with the right person
If all you've known is pain and heartache, you're probably hesitant when someone treats you as you deserve to be treated. Establish your worth and settle for no less. The energy you put out will likely attract a similar type. So if you're happy, positive, and strong, you will most likely attract someone who exhibits those characteristics.
10. You set too many deal-breakers
We're all guilty of doing this. We all have said "If he/she does this...we're done," or something similar to it. Well, it's like setting the person and a potential relationship up for failure before it even starts. It's time to knock it off with these deal breakers and learn to embrace the flaws of another person.
These are just a few of the common reasons relationships fail. Now that you know what to expect, you can learn how to save a relationship. Make sure you work through your issues from the past and lay them to rest where they belong. They are in the past for a reason and they don't deserve a spot in your present life or the future.
Brittney Lindstrom is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Rehabilitation Counselor. She writes about relationships, psychology, and personality topics.