How To Fix Your Marriage In 12 Days
Relight the fire of your love.
getty Is your marriage in trouble?
If you want to know how to fix a broken marriage, there's a simple program you can start right now to begin the journey back to marital bliss.
You can get your spouse involved or do it on your own. What do you have to lose?
RELATED: 7 Last-Ditch Ways To Save Your Marriage (When You Feel Hopeless)
Here are simple instructions on how to fix your marriage in as little as 12 days.
Day 1: Go out together (safely).
Many couples dealing with trouble in their marriage don’t suffer from a wide variety of problems and conflicts. More often than not, they’re dealing with a lack of stimulation and connection.
Don’t feel bad. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and difficult to get out of one.
Suggest an outing for you and your spouse — even just a walk around the neighborhood together. Whatever you decide, take the opportunity to get some face-to-face time.
Share the experience and have fun!
Day 2: Send a flirty text.
Believe it or not, flirting can actually help save your marriage. It’s common to stop flirting and teasing once you’re comfortable, but if you want to maintain that electric charge, you need to make the effort.
Send your spouse just one flirty text during the course of your day. It doesn’t take much — just be a little suggestive or naughty. Throw in a winky face if you’re worried you’re being too subtle.
Remember, the goal of flirting is to be funny and to turn them on.
Day 3: Make a list.
Get back in touch with what attracted you to your partner in the first place. Sit down with a piece of paper and a pencil (or even your phone) and write down the things that attracted you to your partner initially.
Why did you choose them?
Go further and write down the little things you noticed along the way that made you realize you wanted to spend the rest of your life together.
This exercise will help you remember the good in them and use that powerful feeling to continue to improve your marriage.
Day 4: Surprise them.
One thing most marriages have in common is a lack of excitement. Bring that excitement back into your marriage by surprising your spouse in a big way — give them flowers, a small gift, or a night on the town.
Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something that your spouse wouldn’t suspect. Keep it a secret up until the last minute.
Blindfolding them may feel cheesy, but it really can make this experience feel special.
Day 5: Kiss.
Grab your partner and lay one on them. So often, we become accustomed to a quick peck or a hug to show our partner how much we love them.
While this is nice, it’s important to foster the passion you two had when you first got together.
A lack of sex may be a problem in many marriages, but the bigger problem is a lack of physical affection. Take them by surprise and really get their heart pumping with a big smooch.
Who says making out is only for teens?
Day 6: Do something challenging together.
When your marriage is going through a rough patch, you often do your best to avoid conflict. This includes removing any difficulty from your day-to-day so that you don’t have any reason to fight.
But challenges are an important part of life and relationships. By tackling a difficult problem together, you build bonds that you’d never think were possible.
It can be as simple as doing a crossword puzzle or as complex as building a back deck onto your house. Think outside the box and get out of your comfort zone. Use this as an opportunity for connection.
Be positive and build your spouse up so that they really feel supported. If you two can complete this task, your marriage will be better for it.
Day 7: Get your sexy on.
Reclaim the sexy side of marriage. After a while, sex can become less frequent and fall into a routine.
If you’re having serious sexual problems in your marriage, talk it out or seek the help of a sex therapist. But, if things have just become a little stale, then a little spontaneity can make them excited again.
Chances are, you know something your spouse likes in the bedroom that you don’t always do. Now is the time to focus on their pleasure.
Day 8: Talk it out.
Spend some real quality time with your spouse without cell phones, TV, or any other distractions. What you talk about isn’t as important as making the time.
If you’re having trouble, hash out some issues that you’ve been having. Keep it small-scale and focus on sharing your feelings rather than passing judgment.
You may find your partner resistant to this discussion, at first. But, if you can remain calm and positive, it really can make all the difference.
Rather than waiting for a fight, taking proactive measures can make conflict more manageable in the long run.
Day 9: Go down memory lane.
Remember the good times with your spouse. When you've been together for a long time, you have so much history that it can be easy to forget.
Go through some old photo albums or text messages and see what comes up for you. Find a cute picture of you two from years ago and show them to brighten up their day.
It’s as simple as that.
Day 10: Get over it.
Living with another person can be extremely difficult. There are a million little things you wish they’d do differently, whether or not you ever bring them up.
These little annoyances are small on their own, but they can build up and put a real strain on your marriage.
Give yourself permission to let things go.
Do they forget to clean the hair out of your shower drain? Does it seem like you’re always the one to take out the garbage?
Tell yourself that it’s OK and that this little mistake isn’t going to get to you anymore.
If your partner’s behavior is a serious problem, don’t give them a free pass. But if it’s something small that you can’t seem to shake, now is the time to put this issue to bed for good.
Tell yourself that you’ll never again bring this up or let it bother you. It’s easier said than done, but if you can forgive them for leaving their socks on the floor and accept that that’s just a part of who they are, then you can focus on what really matters.
Day 11: Check your blind spot.
We all have blind spots in our lives and our marriages. Identify yours and take a good, long look at it.
Relationship blind spots are those quirks of your personality that create friction between you and your spouse.
They create so much trouble because they’re parts of ourselves that we actively avoid facing. You can identify them by looking at the feedback you get from your spouse or past partners.
Some common relationship blind spots include:
- Never saying sorry
- Being stubborn or combative
- Being critical
- Shutting the other person out
- Sending mixed messages
Some blind spots are more difficult to overcome than others.
Chances are, you’re not going to make them disappear overnight. Instead, try to be aware of them going forward and check yourself whenever your blind spot rears its ugly head.
Day 12: Focus on the future.
Congratulations on making it to the end of this program!
Now, look back at all that you've learned and experienced in the past 11 days, and reflect on what it has meant to you.
Then, put it all behind you and focus on what comes next. How are you going to maintain this kind of momentum in your relationship going forward?
Make plans and goals for your marriage, so that you keep moving forward. You can get your spouse involved or do it on your own, but make sure that you have something to look forward to and a way to measure success.
Whether your goal is an improved sex life or an end to a conflict, you’ve taken the first step and I'm proud of you.
Brad Browning is a relationship coach and breakup expert from Vancouver, Canada. He has 10 years of experience working with couples to repair and improve relationships.