The Power Of Pillow Talk

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase “erotic talk”? Well, if you said, “talking dirty”, your answer is the one I most often receive whenever I pose that question. In fact, in a survey I conducted of 300 men and women, that was precisely the most popular response. Yet, as I explain in my book The Fine Art of Erotic Talk (Bantam/Random House), explicit sex talk is just one aspect of the powerful role that words can play in our sex lives. 

I’m not saying that racy, bawdy words aren’t the perfect way to communicate your enjoyment, especially when you’re in the height of passion. But having the courage and skill to give voice to the more subtle, gentle, and even vulnerable aspects of your lovemaking can do wonders to enhance the experience. Whether you’re feeling tender or playful, shy or lusty, giving voice to such feelings can open you and your partner to new sensual delights. Even the way you ask your partner for guidance in how he or she likes to be touched, or how you let your lover know the most effective ways of arousing you can intensify the flow of sensual energy between both of you.

In fact, when doing the research for my book, I came up with 10 different categories of erotic talk. I later published them with over 250 specific examples in my e-manual Your Daily Verbal Aphrodisiac: Sensual Suggestions and Romantic Enticements. Here are several of those categories with one or two phrases for each. But remember; These are simply examples, not necessarily meant to copy, but rather, to stir your imagination into finding those words that most accurately reflect what’s in your heart. 

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• Erotic appreciation and validation: Honey, your timing is exquisite. You take my breath away!
•  Erotic questioning: Baby, where on your body would you like me to trace the words ‘I love you”? And would you like me to use my fingers, my lips, my tongue or some other writing tool?
• Erotic feedback (creative ways to let your lover know how a) you’re enjoying his or her lovemaking or b) how his/her responses are affecting you.) :a) Your tongue right there sends ripples of energy all over my body. b) I love the way you sigh when I caress you.
•  Erotic requests (expressing your wants and needs in ways that arouse your partner): I’d just love it if you’d slowly run your fingers through my hair.
• Erotic nurturing: Sweetheart, just breathe into the warmth of my hands, and let me take care of you like this…..and this….and this.
• Fantasizing (provocative phrases to encourage sexual fantasy-sharing) I want to delve into those hidden places in your mind, where you keep your most intimate fantasies, those secret images you may have never shared with anyone before. Let me delight in your erotic imagination!
• Erotic power play (words of dominance and surrender) Dominance:: I want you to open and surrender completely to me, everywhere I touch you. Surrender: I’m all yours.
• Erotic disclosure (sensual ways to express vulnerable feelings related to your sexuality) Honey, I really need you to hold me like this. It means so much to me.
• Erotic devotion, communion and commitment (passionate ways to express deep feelings of love and a profound sense of connection:
  Sweetheart, I treasure the sheer bliss you bring to my body, my heart and my soul. I ‘m so honored to be your lover and your life partner.

Hopefully, some of these phrases have inspired you to find the words that most accurately express your own feelings and desires. Meanwhile, always remember:

“Words are wonderful aphrodisiacs. With words you can stimulate the pleasure centers in your partner’s mind so they send shivers of sensual delight through his entire body. With words you can help her become more relaxed and receptive to your touch. With words you can ignite his erotic imagination or lift her to the heights of unbridled passion. And with words you can melt the barriers that may be keeping you and your lover from experiencing the profound joy of a sacred union.”

*From The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice, Excite and Enchant Your Lover with Words (Bantam/Random House, revised edition, 2011)