To Impress Your First Date, You Need To F.L.I.R.T. (Here's How)

You know the story: You go out on a first date, have a great time, feel good chemistry, and discover you have so much in common. He tells you he likes you and wants to see you again. You get a little tingly, even breathless. You start fantasizing about your next date, or two, or three. You have a feeling you haven’t had in ages: hope! Maybe it will happen for you, and maybe this is your last first date!

Then the phone doesn’t ring. You wait. You start wondering and analyzing. You ask yourself, “What did I do wrong? Was I dreaming that we had great chemistry and that he liked me? Should I not have talked about my ex? Should I have let him kiss me?” You start going down the rabbit hole of why's and what if's.

As a dating and relationship coach, the number one question I get is, “Why didn’t he call?” And that’s always followed by “Should I call him?”

So, right here, right now, I am going to finally unravel the age-old mystery of “Why didn’t he call?” Here it is: I don’t know. Neither do you, and there's a good chance we’ll never know. Therefore, my expert advice is to move on.

Maybe his dog died, or he started dating someone else, or he just changed his mind about wanting to see you again. I could go on and on, but the bottom line is he knows something you don’t know: he’s not right for you. You are not his "one," for whatever reason.

So how do you stay out of the rabbit hole and deal with the woulda-coulda-shouldas? My FLIRT System is the answer. Use it on every date and, not only will it improve the quality of your dates and connections, but you’ll never have to ask yourself those unanswerable questions again.

Here's my FLIRT System — your 5 must-do’s on every first date:

F. Find out what's right about him.

Start every date by finding at least three things you like about him. Did he show up on time? Was he nice to the waitress? Do you like his shoes? Focus first on his positive attributes, even (or especially) if you don’t feel instant attraction. You never know what you’ll realize if you pay attention to the positives rather than starting with what rules him out.   

L. Let him know what you like.

Men like to be complimented as much as women do, yet we rarely give them that gift. Tell him you like his sense of humor. Tell him you admire his great relationship his daughter. Or maybe that you respect how he’s found a career that he loves so much. Let him know what you like. If you’re interested, this is critical to getting your next date. If not, you’re being kind. There's nothing wrong with that!  

I. In the moment, focus on him.

Be “present” on your date. Don’t compare him to men in the past, nor should you project into the future. That means not having that internal conversation about whether he could be The One, analyzing everything he says, or trying to figure out what he’s not saying. I encourage my coaching clients to stay in the DISCOVER mode on the first few dates. Find out about him and just experience what it feels like to be with him. There will be plenty of time for the DECIDE phase later on.

R. Be real.

Being genuine is the only way to attract the right man. You have nothing to prove, you don’t have to appear to be perfect, and you don’t have to twist like a pretzel to be what you think he wants you to be. Put down your protective walls and your “I’m just fine without a man” attitude and be you. The right guy will appreciate you, and the wrong one won't. Perfect!

T. Talk about yourself.

Why would a man want a second date with you if he goes home knowing nothing about you? Sometimes a man will spend most of the time talking about himself. This can be out of nervousness, because he’s trying too hard to impress you or because you interrogated him and he’s simply answering all your questions. It’s important that you squeeze in what I call your “nuggets.” These are important bits of information about you, such as what you're proud of, what you care about, or what you most like to spend your time doing. These are all things that help a man get to know you.

While you may never know the exact reason a man doesn't call, following my FLIRT guidelines means you won't have to doubt yourself after dates. If he doesn’t call, you’ll know that you did nothing wrong; you just weren't a good match. Get over it and move on to the next man. Don’t let self-doubt and “what ifs” keep you from moving forward to finding true love.

Bobbi Palmer, founder of Date Like A Grownup is an internationally recognized Expert helping women over 40 find grownup, lasting, passionate love with the right man. As a first time bride at 47, Bobbi shares her compassionate but powerful advice in her free video series "The 4 Devastating Mistakes Women in their Search for Love" at DateLikeaGrownup.com.