The Most Effective Way To Distinguish Good Relationship Advice From The Bad
It's not easy to tell the difference.
Brooke Cagle via unsplash When you are seeking good relationship advice, it is when you are in a state of confusion or upset...or both!
Being part of a couple is wonderful but not without its challenges. When you need clarity on how to have a healthy relationship and want solutions, who do you turn to?
More than often, couples will argue, it's inevitable. And when arguments occur, many women turn to their trusted girlfriends for relationship advice. This is both good and bad.
Girlfriends have your best interest at heart. At least we would think so, right? But they could also be stuck in the same relationship problems that you are in.
Albert Einstein said you can’t solve a problem from the consciousness from which it was created.
The last time I had a "best friend" was in my 30's. It was so wonderful to have that one very special girlfriend in my life. We met every Saturday morning for coffee. Do you know what we would do while we sat in the café and drank coffee?
We would complain about our husbands. We felt connected in our misery. We focused on our plight. We expanded on the unfairness of it all. We definitely weren’t giving each other good relationship advice.
Beware of this happening. When you're seeking good relationship advice and wanting clarity on what constitutes healthy relationships, not everyone you ask will have it.
Your girlfriends, though well-meaning, may not always be the best source for good relationship advice. It is up to you to be discerning.
Fortunately, I also have some amazing women as my confidants. They are there for me when I need them however there are things to be aware of if you are going to turn to your girlfriends when seeking good relationship advice.
Ask yourself these questions:
- "Do I feel better but don’t get the clarity or solutions I am searching for?"
- "Does my girlfriend have the same or similar relationship challenges as me?"
- "Does my girlfriend, in general, have an optimistic, upbeat outlook to life or does she see the glass half empty?"
- "Does she hold the idea of a relationship as a sacred union; one to be treated with great reverence?"
Your girlfriend may not have the exact same problems as you but her relationship solving skills may be at the same level.
She may have a hard time seeing your mate objectively, especially if she has experienced your emotional pain during the relationship. And she may not hold the idea of relationships as something that is sacred instead of something that can easily be replaced.
Our society has conditioned us to believe that relationships are disposable, just like handy wipes or paper towels.
I believe being in relationships is the highest form of personal development. When you are in a relationship, you are in the fire.
Being in a healthy relationship is not easy. No matter how compatible you are, you will still have differences.
Have we, as a society, learned how to honor other people’s differences? Look at the many social conflicts occurring to answer that question.
Honoring others, even if you don’t agree with them, is something most of us didn’t learn.
Let’s face it, we did not have the best role models when it comes to showing us how to have conscious equal partnerships in our love relationships.
Did your parents have the ultimate love relationship? Probably not.
We are all learning how to love and honor each other on this planet. I believe peace on this planet will not magically happen at some global summit, it is a slower process that is being birthed in the hearts and homes of intimate relationships.
Since relationships are not always easy and because conflicts often seem unsurmountable, I believe everyone needs good relationship advice.
Everyone needs a cheerleader. Everyone needs warm fuzzies of encouragement to let them know they are making progress. Otherwise, you get discouraged and give up.
Most of all, we all need to learn a new way of living and loving. We need to rewire our belief systems around what it means to be in a relationship. We need to hold relationships as the highest form of living instead of thinking it is disposable.
We need to develop a sense of reverence and honor for all of our relationships and treat them like the precious gems that they are. Not to forget, this includes the relationship you have with yourself.
If you are asking yourself, "What is good relationship advice?", the paragraph above is the answer to your question.
Anna-Thea is an intimacy coach. She teaches women how to navigate their emotions in a positive way, giving them tools for greater body awareness and good communication. If you would like to find out more about Anna-Thea’s teachings visit Leader of Love or her website.