How To Take Care Of Yourself (Without Being Selfish And Self-Serving)

This is the problem!

Women think taking care of themselves is selfish. Do you feel guilty when you do things for yourself or take time for yourself? We have been programmed to think that tending to ourselves and our truth is bad.

This could be further from the truth. "How to take care of yourself without being selfish", especially for women, is an oxymoron!

I want to stress taking care of yourself is not selfish. Funny that I would have the title of this article be "How To Take Care Of Yourself Without Being Selfish" when what I want to convey to you is exactly the opposite.

You do not need to learn how to take care of yourself without being selfish. What you need to learn is the importance of taking care of yourself and how everyone else benefits when you do.

Sensing Into Yourself

Women are the ones who gestate, birth, and typically care for our offspring. It is important for a woman to have the skills to take care of another. It is important for a mother to tune into a baby who is unable to speak in words but rather cries and moans in order to let her know of their discomfort.

Newborns are extremely vulnerable. Children are like sponges, absorbing everything and unguarded from their environment. If a mother was unable to tune in to her child, the rate of survival of our species would be lower. If she was unable to sacrifice her needs for her child’s, the child might not live.

The ability for a woman to sense into another is a beautiful quality. Good mothering requires this and a tremendous amount of compassion, nurturing, and patience. Good mothering requires the fine art of sensing into the subtle energies and signals from her offspring.

The problem is when she stops sensing into herself. The problem is when her life becomes all about others and she puts herself and her needs on the back burner.

The problem is a society that doesn’t have positive, nurturing, and empowering structures and systems in place to fully support the child rearing process.

That is another subject.

Mothering is a huge life assignment. What I would like to say to mothers is...don’t forget to sense into yourself while caring for others.

Don’t leave yourself behind. Caring for others in a state of depletion is not really caring for others.

I believe that is more selfish. If you want to give and not be resentful, give from a place of fullness. You will prevent cultivating resentment in your relationships.

Super Mom  

Are you one of those super moms who take care of the kids, take care of your other child (your husband), do all or most of the housework and possibly even holds down a job? All the while, possibly thinking you aren’t doing enough or you aren’t doing it good enough?

I want you to know this type of behavior is long outdated. Stop!

If you've found yourself in this position, you've lost both your truth and your radiance. Nobody wants to be a doormat. What are you role modeling to your children? And if your man is like a child, what type of relationship role model are you showing your kids?

If you are in this situation or anywhere near or like what I just described, are you more in your misery than in your truth? Does over-giving to the point of depletion bring you joy?

Your Radiance is Your Power

Let’s face it, giving is a beautiful thing. However, giving without allowing for receiving is unhealthy, dysfunctional, and life robbing.

Women are the "innies". We are the anatomical depiction of receptivity and receiving. Knowing how to receive is extremely important for your health. It is also a big part of being able to take care of yourself.

When a woman is receptive, she is in a state of pleasure. Pleasure is good for women.

I call this vitamin P. Vitamin P is an important nutrient for women. If you are a woman who doesn’t know how to receive — sexually or otherwise — your health will suffer.

When you open your receptive channels and experience more pleasure in your life, you become radiant. A woman’s radiance is powerful. Our society has it all mixed up though.

We think radiance is for the youth. There is too much emphasis on looking good instead of feeling good. There is too much emphasis on outer beauty in our society.

Outer beauty has a short shelf life. Inner beauty, your radiance, is eternal.

When you learn how to give yourself more of the most important female nutrient, Vitamin P, you will shine from the inside out. You will become more confident as a woman and especially as an aging woman in a society that emphasizes outer beauty.

When you are radiant, you are happy. Your heart is open. You are loving and giving from a place of fullness. This is not only good for yourself but also for all your relationships and for society.

I tell my students that taking care of yourself is the best community work you can do. Your radiance provides service to others. It lifts them up. Remember, if mama isn’t happy, nobody is.

Learning how to take care of yourself without being selfish is simply to make taking care of yourself, your authentic self, a top priority. Everything else in your life will fall into place.

Your relationships will be either gone or more harmonious, your body will feel better, your emotions will be more balanced, and your radiance will bring the much-needed light our society needs to create a better world.

Anna-Thea is an intimacy coach and teacher. She believes women are the Leaders of Love and if we are to have peace on this planet it begins by healing the feminine. She conducts live online courses for women. If this article resonated with you find out more about her Manifesting More Pleasure course at Leader of Love or visit her main site.