3 Ways To Cope With Life After Divorce If You’re Over 45
Is there a life worth living after a divorce?
Pexels You’re 45 years old (or close to it) and finally on the other side of your divorce.
The fog is lifting, leaving you in shock and awe over the amount of time, energy, and money you spent.
There isn’t an emotion that you haven’t felt during the divorce process. You’re tired of feeling or trying not to feel.
Now, in the quiet of your own place, you have the luxury of decompressing.
And you wonder...is it possible for a 45-year-old to rebuild a good life after divorce?
The sheer asking of this question is an act of courage, a pivotal moment in time where you create your future — one way or another.
And Epigenetics, the study of environmental effects on biology, has uncovered a feedback loop inside of each of us that can help you learn how to move on from the heartbreak.
First let me say, as a newly divorced individual, you are going to find yourself on one of two paths.
Either you feel about 10 years younger, as you spy endless possibilities in front of you. Or, you feel about 10 years older, believing that your life is virtually over.
The truth is, you help create your future life in this present moment. This is your time to create something beautiful.
It’s awe-inspiring and a little terrifying, if we’re being honest.
Quantum physics is revealing that there is a scientific explanation for how our present thoughts and feelings ultimately create our future reality.
Don’t underestimate the power of your own beliefs!
There is a life after divorce at 45, and your thoughts and feelings today will create that life. You are a thinking and feeling machine.
With that said, what is Epigenetics and what does it have to do with surviving and coping with divorce?
Epigenetics is "influenced by several factors including age, the environment/lifestyle, and disease state.
Epigenetic modifications can manifest as commonly as the manner in which cells terminally differentiate to end up as skin cells, liver cells, brain cells, etc. Or, epigenetic change can have more damaging effects that can result in diseases like cancer."
Basically, our emotions actually send chemical signals to our brains to alert us as to what’s going on in our environments. The brain then generates thoughts that align with our feelings. And on it goes, in a loop.
So, when you are feeling blue, hopeless, and depressed, you are setting yourself up to create thoughts that will feed into that.
The same principle is true when we are feeling empowered, grateful, and inspired.
In time, these chemical reactions to and from the brain affect your biochemistry.
On a cellular level, your feelings and thoughts are changing you and that changes your future.
How do you create a life worth living after divorce at 45 using the feedback loop?
There are 3 very simple steps you can take to help create a better life after divorce.
1. Seriously monitor your self-talk for a week
Sounds simple, but it’s easy to lose track of all that jibberish going on in our heads. Aim to capture the self-talk with the most emotional after effect.
To do this, you will want to keep a thought/feeling diary:
- Make five columns on the page. In the first column, describe the thought, or self-talk. An example would be something like this “People are annoying. They are always cutting me off (when driving).”
- Directly across from the thought, in column two, describe the feeling that went along with that thought. Maybe it’s an angry, or frustrated feeling? Notice how the feedback loop is at work — they feed into or reinforce each other.
- Review your self-talk log at the end of each day. Keep any notes or observations you may have in a third column.
- In the fourth column, create a different response to the same event. Higher level emotions lead to higher level thoughts, which lead to higher level beliefs and outcomes. Simple. What if, instead of feeling frustrated by the driver who cuts you off, you chose a different thought? Make your self-talk more open-hearted, as in "Oh well, maybe they have something urgent to get to. "Higher level.
- In the fifth column, jot down how differently self-talk affected your emotional reaction. Notice the difference.
2. Write down no less than 5 things about the future life you want
Do not include any timeline or explanation of how you got there. You may write things such as:
- "I am in love with my life."
- "I am part of a community of like-minded people."
- "I have an abundance of money."
- "I have a wonderful and caring partner."
- "I am able to spend time in nature…"
You get the picture.
Now, close your eyes, picture this life, and let your spirits soar.
Feel elated, inspired, enthused, and grateful for that life which will be yours. All higher level emotions, which originate in the heart.
Writing is powerful.
3. Start a daily meditation practice
You can find apps to get you started, and typically don’t need more than 5-10 minutes in the morning and evening to begin.
This practice will open up some energetic space inside you for future possibilities.
Practice this for at least 7 days, and jot down any changes noticed in your thought/feeling feedback loop.
The knowledge that you are a creator of your future ought to give you a feeling of power.
You hold the key to what lies ahead. The fact that you are 45 and divorced is a bonus. You have more mental power now than you would have had at 30!
This is only the beginning of creating a life that excites and inspires you. I’d love to hear about your experiences with these ideas!
Ann Cerney is the founder of Cerney Divorce Coach; Promises Kept. Ann works with clients to minimize the negative effects of divorce on the family, and to help adults use the crisis of divorce as an opportunity for personal growth. She can be reached by email for more information.