8 Tiny Things Women Worry About In Relationships (That Men Don't Even Notice)
Men don't notice these things, so neither should you.
A HIP A HUB STOCK / Shutterstock Women worry that their boyfriends are judging their looks, their weight, and their cleanliness. They worry that their boyfriends are easily bored, will stray, and don’t care about them. These worries and feelings of insecurity often relate to their poor self-esteem and need to please others, but they are also unfounded. Most men aren't like this at all.
Here are 8 tiny things women worry about in relationships that men don't even notice:
1. "Does he find me attractive?"
Ladies, if he is spending time with you, then he finds you attractive. End of story. Guys don’t sit around and obsess about what you are wearing your hairstyle or your eye makeup. They are usually not that shallow. They tend to just see the whole picture and either ask you out or look the other way.
Once you get that first date, then it becomes more about your sense of humor your intelligence, and your personality. After that first date, they may give you an approving look or compliment your outfit if you look especially hot. But it’s not something they notice as much as you think.
2. "Does he think I’m fat?"
Again, if he has asked you out, then you have passed his criteria. Your constant comments about your weight, your derriere, and the flatness of your stomach are only drawing his attention to your insecurity. And insecurity is a turn-off for most guys.
One of the biggest turn-ons is confidence, so stop asking him if you're fat! If he does seem to focus on your weight or comment on it frequently, then he might not be the right guy for you. Acceptance is a huge part of love and relationships.
3. "Is he ignoring my texts? Why isn't he answering me?"
Most men have a different texting timetable than women. He might be working out, talking to his male friends, taking a dump, getting some work done, playing video games, or a variety of other activities. He is probably not staring at his phone, just waiting for your text.
If he is, then how attractive is a guy that doesn't have better things to do? And, honestly, haven’t you sometimes take a while to respond to a text? It only seems to take longer when you are waiting for a response. Don’t forget, a watched pot never boils. Try to not respond to your anxiety by blowing up his phone with a string of increasingly angry texts. Unless, of course, you would like to fight.
4. "Why am I putting more effort into making plans than he does?"
Most guys are happy just going along with whatever you’d like to do. They don’t make the plans because they don’t know what you want to do and they are terrified of guessing wrong. They’re pretty content just sitting around with their friends, drinking beer, and playing video games.
Is that really what you want to do? Then stop complaining, and plan something more fun! When your guy is with you, he wants to do something different than what he does with his friends anyway.
5. "Will my friends like him?"
If you like him, then your friends will probably like him. If you are worried about what they will think, then either you aren't feeling that great about the relationship or you need less critical friends. Most guys never even worry about what their friends think.
6. "Is my apartment clean and will he think I'm messy?"
Trust me…he doesn't care. I’m pretty sure it’s cleaner than his place if you are even worrying about this.
And if you are at the point in the relationship where you have invited him to your place, then there are going to be other things on his mind other than your apartment’s cleanliness.
7. "Is he attracted to someone else?"
Unfortunately, this can become a huge problem in your relationship since it can turn into a nasty self-fulfilling prophecy. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that you make about the future ("I will probably have a terrible time at the party") which you then proceed to validate ("I didn't talk to anybody or smile or dance at the party and I had a terrible time").
After one of these self-fulfilling prophesies, everyone then says the same thing — "See? I told you so!" What they don’t realize is that they created the reality that they didn't want. This can happen when you worry about whether your boyfriend is attracted to other women. The more that you worry about it, the more you seem insecure and needy. You tend to question him more, act jealous around other girls, and set ridiculous rules for his behavior.
These types of behaviors can make him question the relationship and can come between the two of you. Before you know it, he finds himself looking at other women. Most secure guys are not worried about your relationship with him or about your friendships with other guys. If you have a healthy relationship, then you both should feel secure and trust each other. However, if he does seem to be overly concerned about your attraction to other guys or is controlling about your behavior, then you should be concerned. It most likely means that your relationship is not secure and trusting.
8. "Does he think about me when I’m not around like I think about him?"
Research has shown that women are better at multitasking than men and require less brainpower to do so. It is much easier for you to think about him while you move through your other tasks and activities during your day. However, women often feel overwhelmed and scattered as a result.
Men focus better on one thing at a time, and so he is thinking about work when he is at work and thinking about you when he is with you. This doesn't mean that he loves you any less than you love him.
So don’t expect that he is thinking about you all the time. You’ll only be disappointed and angry which will cause more tension in the relationship and lead to more fights. Instead, focus on all of his positive traits and your loving feelings, and you’ll look forward to seeing him.
Dr. Amy Mulkey is the Founder of Balance Behavioral Health. She is a licensed clinical psychologist who sees individuals and couples for psychotherapy.