10 Genius Texting-While-Dating Rules That Ensure You Get The Guy
Yes, something as innocent as texting can seriously ruin a good thing.
MarioGuti, Rido | Canva Texting is a fixture in the modern relationship — a seemingly quick, low-pressure form of communication that has morphed into a source of anxiety, affirmation, confusion, devotion, and fury.
People are attempting to navigate the rough waters of a relationship landscape that either thrives or fails based on one's understanding of texting do's and don'ts. When you're dating, your phone is the lifeline of your relationship.
Here are 10 genius texting-while-dating rules to ensure you get the guy:
1. Wait for their text after the first date.
They should always text after your initial meeting. Unless they were a #sexyfirefighter who saved you from a burning mansion and didn't have their phone handy to take your number, do not text them first. Let them show their interest by texting you.
You both swapped numbers? Let them text you. Always, always, always give them your number if you want to pursue a relationship with them. If they say, "Take my number…my phone died," so might the possibility of this relationship.
2. Call before starting a texting relationship.
The best thing you can do before you become a daily texting buddy is to ask them out on a legitimate date. Call them to make definitive plans before you begin your text relationship. I am not a phone person, but even I agree that an old-school phone call puts a potential partner a cut above the rest of the crop. Get that initial call out of the way early on and plan a date so they know you think they're worth it.
Once you have made that verbal contact and a concrete plan for the future, it is okay to get textual again.
3. Text a few times throughout the day.
The first few days after you begin to flirt via text is your time to shine! I will let you in on a little secret if they don't hear from you, they think you are not that into them.
By no means am I advising you to harass them with a play-by-play of your office mishaps or spend your entire day glued to your phone (even though we know you are), but if you are into a person and have a good rapport going, shoot them a text at some point throughout the day.
The best way to navigate the text flirt is to send funny comments based on something you have experienced together in real life. Emojis are encouraged to illustrate your point but don't get caught in the trap of an Emoji exchange. Initially, they are charming — but grow tiresome after the fifth monkey covers its face.
4. Don't attempt to get to know them intimately through texting.
Save questions like, "So, why did you move to LA?" for in-person communication. The best texts are the fun texts. It's okay (even preferable) if they are about inane parts of your day.
Maybe you saw a Nicholas Cage lookalike on the subway or a pineapple in a briefcase during jury duty. These are great texting convos. But talking about intimate details of your life and how your little brother dropped out of college and is now undergoing hair removal therapy is awkward. Save it for the 4th date... or your therapist.
5. Don't text after 11 P.M.
If they respond to you after said time, great, but unless you have supremely classified them as a hookup only, anything after 11 P.M. screams one thing. Take note.
6. All major "define the relationship" talks should occur during a conversation.
Preferably in person. Nothing is worse than a "Will you be my one and only?" text. This is one to tell the grandkids someday. At the minimum, do it on a video chat.
7. You can't text tone.
If you are having a tiff, attempting to use sarcasm will only make things worse. There is no substitute for a non-robotic human voice (sorry, Siri) and the variety of inflections your voice relays.
If there is any confusion, if you are feeling jilted, upset, or bad-tempered, CALL. It will save you hours of stress and having to decode passive-aggressive dot-dot-dot during an argument.
8. For every three texts they initiate, you should start one.
At the beginning of the wooing/dating process, if you want to be a bit old-school in your ways, it is good to let them text first. It shows an effort on their part and allows them to step it up a bit, which they may translate into other aspects of the relationship.
Some people come into date coaching and complain that the person they want to date hasn't reached out to them, to which I reply #obvi. Unless otherwise expressed, they might not think of it as one of their duties to reach out first.
A note for my old-school people. After the third or fourth date, feel free to initiate text first. The scale should tip to their side as for who texts first, but if you are a passive texter and you have been dating for a while, they will think you are not interested.
9. Don't text during a date.
Put your phone down when you're out with your friends (or interacting with another human being in general). If you need to respond to your text, make it a big deal and read it to the group or your date so it becomes a group activity.
If your date or friend reaches for their phone when you are together, ask them in a panicked voice, "Is everything okay?!" God-willing, they will get the hint.
10. Don't text while driving.
Wait for a stop light (kidding). Don't do it. Texting while driving is unsafe, and in many places, it's illegal to text while driving!
Alessandra Conti & Cristina (Conti)) Pineda are the women behind Matchmakers In The City, a top certified personal matchmaking firm in Los Angeles, New York City, San Francisco, and Washington, D.C.