7 Odd Reasons An Ex Texts You Out Of The Blue (And The One That Means He Wants You Back)
Does he really want to get back together? Maybe, maybe not.
Jacob Lund | Canva As you read this, women everywhere are asking the same questions: "Why did my ex text me out of nowhere (especially since he's the one who dumped me!)?" Most times, the reason your ex-boyfriend texts you is simpler than you might imagine. You just need to understand how men think.
Why would a man who's dumped you, text you, but then leave the conversation with loose ends? Should you text him back? I know this behavior seems confusing, but that’s why I'm here to help sort out all the confusion to suss out what it all means.
Here are seven odd reasons an ex texts you out of the blue:
1. He’s big on fantasy
Men frequently daydream about women they dated, met once, saw online, on the subway or TV, etc. Texting you may give him something to focus those thoughts on. He finds you attractive, but that doesn’t mean he wants to get back together or even really know how you are. Don’t get too excited.
2. He feels down or lonely
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When a guy feels lonely or down, texting you is a great ego boost. When you text back, he sees you’re still interested and then he's all set because he only wanted some confirmation that he’s still got it.
This exchange buoys his sense of masculine attraction, allowing him to move forward. For him, your reply was satisfying enough, so there's no reason for him to continue the conversation.
On the flip side, women tend to be flattered by a man reaching out from the past and getting curious, hoping for more — more conversation, more texting, and maybe a chance to start over again. We want to know the detailed backstory, so we begin to investigate.
Many women can’t imagine there’s a reason to text someone if you don’t want more, but that’s not how most men think.
3. He’s showing off
Maybe a man from your past is showing off to his friend or roommate about how popular he is with the ladies. He hands him his phone and shows him old texts from you as evidence.
He then texts you in his friend’s presence, hoping you’ll answer and make him look good — as though he’s got a bunch of women waiting in line for his attention. He’s not invested in the actual conversation and your response is all he sought.
4. He feels sentimental
Men, like women, can get sentimental. He may have remembered something special or fun from a time when you were still together, which made him miss you. On impulse, he texted to say he was thinking about you and asked how you were. (This is the one reason that may indicate he wants to get back together; you'll have to continue the conversation to see where it goes.)
Usually, this kind of sentimentality is short-lived and he’s on to the next thought or memory, whatever (about whomever) that might be. This is yet another reason you shouldn’t attach too much meaning to a random text from your ex.
5. He’s had a few
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Drinking can sure bring on a sentimental state of mind. After a few drinks, texting you seems like a great idea. He might be feeling romantic, missing having a woman in his life, missing you specifically, or just missing female attention. Anything is possible when he’s not sober.
But as is the case with all forms of drunk dialing, the morning after is filled with regrets. Nothing more comes of it. Drunk texting is all too common, with one 2022 study stating that 89% of participants had sent a text message while inebriated.
6. He just broke up with someone
If a man you dated a while ago texts you out of the blue, he might have just broken up with his until-now current flame. Feeling wounded, he wants to reconnect with you, no matter how briefly, to simply feel loved again.
He remembers you fondly, so he texts you to see what’s up. This is a temporary measure. As soon as he feels better, he’ll be gone.
7. He doesn’t think like you do
As I mentioned earlier, the way most men think is drastically different from the way many women do. Women have strong emotions and extensive reasons behind what they say and do.
However, we often prefer not to reveal the deeper motivations behind our behavior. While men may have deep feelings or hidden agendas, they are more direct and simpler to understand.
Of course, you have to know what to watch for and you can’t rely on feminine thinking to figure out what is actually going on. To be clear, don't expect anything to come of it when your ex-boyfriend texts you out of nowhere.
Women also tend to make excuses for men or hypothesize positive reasons for an ex making contact, despite a serious lack of information. We want to understand why he did or said something, so we assign his actions meaning — and end up feeling lost and confused.
To protect yourself in the future, don’t take texts from an ex too seriously or give them too much meaning. If he wants to see you, he’ll ask. If he doesn't, that’s all you need to know about whether or not he's interested in getting back together.
His lack of reply or continually disappearing and reappearing clearly communicates he doesn't care enough. His texting you is not a sign of long-term romantic interest. One University of Missouri study states that on-again-off-again relationships are bad for your mental health.
Knowing the signals of a serious man can help you weed out the riffraff. When a guy texts you regularly, makes an effort to see you, calls in between texts and visits, and stays in touch, he is proving that he has a serious interest in you.
The same is true about an ex-boyfriend who wants you back. Consistent effort to get to know how you are and how you've been feeling shows he may have true potential. When you let go of guys who are hot and cold in their pursuit of you, you’re on your way to finding the right man for lasting love.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.