Why A Woman Is Unstoppable In Finding Love When She Realizes She Deserves Better
Know your worth.
Getty Can you say out loud, affirm, and believe — “My needs are valid!”
Do you believe it?
Until you realize, accept, believe, and own that you are a high quality, worthy woman whose needs are valid and should be heard… No one else will believe it, either.
And when you do, you’ll be unstoppable.
But first, you need to know what your needs are.
And if you’re like most women, you have no idea what your needs are. Isn’t that sad? It is.
It’s sad that you don’t know, that you haven’t taken the time to listen to yourself, to tap into your core, to hear, and really listen to what you need. I’m not talking about what you need based on insecurity, self doubt, “shoulds,” anger, resentment, hurt, or an attempt to please another.
Get present, and figure out what your needs are.
Strip all of that off, strip down naked to your core — to your confidently vulnerable needs.
Take a breath. Exhale. Drop your shoulders. Release the muscles in your neck and jaw. Stop thinking. Stop trying. Stop doing.
Just… Be. Be present in this moment: What do you need?
Self-integrity is everything.
Once you know what you need, then it’s about self-integrity. You might think you know what that is, and you might have a long definition and explanation for it.
The way to really look at integrity is this: Do my feelings match my words and actions?
Is there a disconnect or a break within that statement for you? It’s OK if there is. That’s common. And that’s exactly what you need to address.
Once you have integrity, once you stand for something, and once you assert your needs — which doesn’t and shouldn’t mean being a jerk — you become unstoppable.
Once you have a purpose, you can act on your purpose to make sure your needs are met. This is how you show your self-worth. And in turn, others will treat you as if you are worthy.
But it all starts with you.
Be the example of your expectation of others.
It takes courage, which lies at your core. Courage isn’t about going off to war, saving a family from a burning home, putting yourself in the line of fire, or doing superhuman tasks. It’s simply about being true to your core. And that’s scary.
Being true to yourself requires vulnerability. It takes courage to tap into your stripped-down, raw self and act on it. It takes courage to be you without fear of judgment, hurt, or failure.
Integrity and confidence are sexy!
When it comes to dating, do you know what two of the sexiest traits for a woman are? Confidence and integrity.
A confident woman knows her worth. She takes pride in herself, which is apparent through her attitude and appearance. She isn’t looking for approval from anyone. She knows she’s pretty great.
She also knows that the right person will be lucky to be with her because she has the ability to make them happier than any other woman can. But she's not a jerk about it.
Make yourself "the prize."
The fact is, people want to feel like they won a prize — like they are dating the head of the cheerleading team. They want to feel like they are the luckiest person in the room.
Just as someone you date wants you to be proud of them, they want to be proud of you, too. If you have a bummer, insecure, self-deprecating, “I’m not so great” attitude, why would anyone you date feel like they scored?
Whether it's your looks, brain, triumphs, the respect you garner, your career, or simply how you push yourself through challenges, anyone you date wants to feel like they can show you off.
They need to know that they can confidently “bring you home to mom,” introduce you to their friends, and accompany them to business dinners with their boss — because you make them look good.
Do you have integrity and the strength to act on it? Are you strong in your values and beliefs? Or do you waver, fluctuate, appear wishy-washy, or seem easily influenced?
Who are you? What do you believe in? Do you stand by it? Do you have integrity? Or are your words and beliefs worthless? Can someone depend on what you say? Do your actions align with your words?
Trustworthiness and integrity make others feel safe and secure.
A woman who has unshakable beliefs, who shows and tells the same story, is someone who makes others feel safe.
A feeling of safety is one of the most crucial elements when it comes to the ability to trust. You want the person you date to feel secure letting their guard down and opening their heart completely.
They should know that they can depend on you for good or for bad, in sickness and in health, weakness and triumph. In moments of uncertainty, the one thing that your person can be certain of is you — because you are certain of you.
Become confidently vulnerable.
Do that. Do you. Be confidently vulnerable. Nothing more. And you will be unstoppable.
Why? Because when you stand for something, and have the confidence to back it up. You will expect and even require more from others, because you now expect and deliver more from yourself.
You deserve more.
You will quickly realize that you have been settling for crumbs and selling yourself short. You deserve more than that.
And the second that you realize that, you will get better than that. Because you won’t accept less than you deserve.
Laurel House is an international celebrity dating and relationship coach, a dating coach on E!’s “Famously Single,” and writer who has appeared in Oprah, Vogue, The Washington Post, and 500 other media outlets. Find out more about her new dating course, Love Actually Academy