Mom Worries That She's 'Failing' Her Kids— 'I Want Them To Have The Happy Life I Never Had'
The mom reached out and asked for words of support during a tough time.
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels In a Reddit post, a mom revealed that she thinks her kids “deserve better” than what she can currently provide them. As she acknowledged in the r/parenting subreddit, “I know this is not an uncommon thing to feel,” yet she hoped to find solace in expressing how she felt.
The mom worried that she’s ‘failing’ her kids, explaining, ‘I want them to have the happy life I never had.’
She noted that often, when she reads posts from moms who feel like they’re not doing enough, she thinks, “‘don't feel that way, you are enough' — but today is the day I need to hear that.”
The mom described the emotional journey she’d been through as a parent, explaining that she had “severe” postpartum depression with her second child, who’s now one and a half years old. “I managed it bravely and am proud of how I did it and the mother I became.”
She received treatment for postpartum depression, which eventually went away, so she went off the SSRIs she’d been prescribed, under a doctor’s supervision. She stated, “I got a new job, my husband got a new job, everything worked out!” Only, after decreasing her medication, she felt extremely emotional.
Photo: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
The mom explained that they’re on summer vacation in Crete, where they’re renting a house with her brother’s family. She said that her kids are wildly happy, and she was “so happy to provide this for them.”
“Two days ago, I got a little heatstroke, and felt weird,” she stated. “It started a downward spiral for me.” Her feelings of anxiety and depression have returned, and she’s working "so hard" not to show her kids how she feels.
“I want to be happy with my little ones,” she said. “I want them to have this happy life I never had.”
She explained that she feels like she’s failing her kids, even though she knows that’s not true.
“I will need to go through the motions and do my work to gain stability again,” she stated. “I am confident I will reach that point again, but I also know it's hard work and will not happen in the next days.”
She expressed gratitude to be with her brother’s family, saying, “I am lucky that we are 4 adults with 3 children here, so I know my kids get the best of times. I just want to enjoy it with them.”
She ended her post by saying, “I almost feel a burden to the others at that point and don't want to bother them more than necessary.”
The other parents in the comment section offered words of support and normalized how she felt. One mom said, “It's absolutely okay to feel down, sad, [and] anxious. You're a parent, we all feel that way!”
She continued, noting that “the fact that you're so concerned with how your emotional state is affecting your children, and that you're allowing others to help you make sure they have the best time and are protected from your more difficult moments proves you're trying to do your best by them.”
Photo: Taryn Elliott / Pexels
The mom who commented advised the mom who posted to “accept help, talk to your family [and] friends so they understand where you're coming from and what you need from them. Don't be afraid to take a little time to yourself if you need it. Focus on the love and the laughter as much as you can, but allow yourself to be human.”
She made a very valid point, which is that it’s okay for parents to model feeling upset to their children.
She said, “Kids are allowed to know that sometimes grown ups get sad and get big feelings, too.”
According to an article from postpartumdepression.org, postpartum depression generally lasts for 3 to 6 months, though the timing can vary, based on different factors. The article recognized that its reporting was based solely on reported cases of postpartum depression; the site noted that “some health care providers believe the condition’s prevalence could be at least twice as much as what is actually reported and diagnosed.”
In the U.S., about 1 in 10 women experience postpartum depression, with some studies reporting that as many as 1 in 7 women will experience it. It's reported that “nearly 50% of mothers with postpartum depression are not diagnosed by a health professional,” yet “80% of women with postpartum depression will achieve a full recovery.”
This mom’s post highlights a feeling that so many moms have — an overwhelming concern that they are not enough. She’s utilized the tools and support networks she has access to, in order to help herself and her family.
As her story shows, parents must give themselves grace, and as humans with a wide range of emotions, it's the best thing they can do.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.