Woman Won't Let Husband Be At Their Baby's Birth — She Says 'Get Over It' But He Is Devastated To Miss The Moment
He wants to be supportive, but he also wants to see his first child enter the world.
Alex Green / Pexels / Natalia Deriabina / Shutterstock "I have been with the love of my life, Emily, for 7 years, married for 2. We have always talked about having kids, and I’ve always wanted to be there when they were born," a man started a confessional, posted to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA).
The subreddit is an online forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them.
Man reveals he's heartbroken after his wife tells him she doesn't want him in the delivery room for the birth of their son.
In his Reddit post, he explained that growing up, his own father would constantly talk about the joy of witnessing the birth of him and his siblings.
"He used to tell me and my siblings all the time about how it literally brought him to tears, and he would say he was so grateful for all of us and for the experience," he recalled, adding that his father wasn't an emotional, so hearing that from his dad, made him really excited to witness the birth of his own child.
His wife is eight months pregnant, and he acknowledged that the entire pregnancy has been difficult for her. In the past, she's suffered from a few miscarriages, and throughout her current pregnancy, both of them were worried about losing their child.
As her due date grows closer, the two of them have been discussing the different possibilities of how her labor will turn out. During one of their conversations, he was shocked to learn that Emily doesn't want him in the room no matter what happens.
"She’s very adamant that I not be in the room, natural or C-section, no matter what. I’ve tried convincing, pleading, begging, but she won’t change her mind," he shared.
According to a study published by the National Library of Medicine, research showed that during childbirth, 80% of fathers who were present during the birth, felt it was beneficial for them as they entered fatherhood.
Instead of having her husband in the room, Emily chose to just have her mom there to make sure everything goes smoothly. He doesn't want to stress the topic anymore since he doesn't want to put any burdens on his wife.
"I keep telling myself all that matters is that they’re both healthy, but I’m honestly really sad about not being able to be there for my son’s birth," he admitted.
Liz Purnell-Webb, the founder of a Hong Kong-based pregnancy and birthing site, told South China Morning Post, that she is “a great believer that babies should be born in the way that they were conceived," surrounded by "intimacy and love."
“Research suggests that a baby coming into this world benefits not only from hearing their parents’ voices but also as a result of the parents’ microbiome,” Purnell-Webb said. “If a mother has had a C-section, a father is present to deliver important skin-to-skin contact directly after birth.
While he acknowledges that the entire birthing experience isn't about him, he's been trying to come to terms with his wife's decision on his own but has found that she has continued to act condescending toward him.
"I know that she’s just stressed out and scared, so she doesn’t mean it, but I feel like I deserve to process this at least for a few days. I still do everything as I’ve done before, but she says that now I have this 'beaten puppy dog' look on my face, and it's 'pissing her off.'"
She began scolding him and asking why it matters so much if he was in the delivery room or not. She also asked him if he was "going to act this weak" in front of their son after he was born.
"She told me I needed to just be a f-king man and 'get the f-k over it.' I feel like crying, but I don’t want her to know, and get mad at me again," he continued. While he loves and adores his wife, he admitted that the way she spoke to him hurt his feelings. "I just want them both to be healthy and safe, but I also wanted to be there."
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Most Reddit users sympathized with him and pointed out that his feelings are incredibly valid.
"She's having a troublesome pregnancy, we get it. It's also okay to want her mom and not her husband in the delivery room," one Reddit user wrote.
"But neither of that is an excuse to be unnecessarily mean and condescending to her husband."
Another user added, "Emily has some rigid gender role ideologies that really need to be closely examined when this couple starts raising children together."
"Your wife has the right to say she doesn't want you there. To me, this is more about her overall response than her answer," a third user chimed in.
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics.