Mistress 'Wins' Her Lover From His Wife After An 8-Year Affair & Marries Him Only To Realize Being His Wife Is Overrated
How you get them is sometimes how you lose them.
Photoroyalty - Shutterstock If you happen to be a man's mistress, it's easy to see all of the good parts of him and miss the things that his wife has to deal with on a daily basis.
You might dream about the day he finally realizes that you are his soul mate and abandons the woman he married to be with you. But sometimes, expectations do not meet reality, and being committed to a man you only had part-time isn't all it's cracked up to be when it's full-time.
In a case of 'how you get them is how you lose them' a woman anonymously detailed on TikTok the eight-year affair she'd had with a man before finally getting him to leave his wife. The only problem — once she had him she realized she didn't really want him.
The affair went on for almost a decade before the man's wife decided to jump ship.
According to the former mistress, her lover continued the affair with her for eight long years before he and his wife finally separated. She admits that the torrid relationship caused "a lot of problems in his marriage" and eventually his wife had enough and left him.
Although the man's wife made the decision to leave, she fell into a deep depression after he married his mistress. She confessed that she had no empathy for the ex-wife and only "cared about [her] own happiness and [at long last], having him to [herself]."
She had held out for so long that finally marrying him likely felt like a victory, but since he wasn't actively part of leaving his first wife, the victory was actually more like a consolation prize.
The celebration was short-lived and everything changed when they moved in together.
In the case of affairs, what some fail to realize, is that the dynamics are totally different when you go from being someone's secret lover to being their wife. Where the mistress was a welcome reprieve from the responsibilities and stress at home, she suddenly transformed into the new source of those things.
The novelty of 'forbidden love' has worn off and is now replaced with the 'ball and chain' she thought his wife once was. One woman shared that exact experience on Good Therapy, replaying how karma had come back to bite her and because she knew what he was capable of, she didn't trust him.
"I lost interest in him," the Hidden Voices storyteller shared. But that didn't stop her from getting pregnant and having a baby girl with special needs. Of course, that required round-the-clock care and attention, leaving her unable to go on frequent outings or practice regular self-care like she did when she only had to show up for her partner in fun, carefree times.
The burdens of her new lifestyle left her uninterested in intimacy.
Just as he had done with her, the husband that she 'stole' decided he needed a little something on the side and began cheating — something anyone could have easily predicted, given his disloyal history. And just as he had done to his former wife, he eventually took off, leaving her to raise their daughter alone.
Though she thought she had 'won' she was simply the catalyst for his wife finally freeing herself of his betrayal. The moral of her story: Trying to build your own happiness on the foundation of another woman's heartbreak never bodes well in the end.
Still, it's rare for men to actually leave a marriage for their mistress, with only three to five percent doing so. And of the tiny percentile, 60 percent end up leaving their mistress as well. According to psychologist, Dr. Marni Feuerman, the affair got the relationship off to a troubling start and the fantasy transformed into a grim reality when the new couple had to navigate day-to-day life together.
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The man's first wife overcame her depression and went on to find true happiness.
As for the first wife, being betrayed by her husband was a blessing in disguise. She is now remarried to a man who loves her and treats her with dignity and respect, according to the poster. Meanwhile, the mistress turned wife turned ex is now a single mother ... a daily reminder that everything that glitters isn't gold and that doing bad things to other women never garners good fortune.
If there is anything we can learn from this situation it's that no matter how attractive a man is, girl code should always be respected. It's easy to assume you are better than or are more qualified than a man's wife when he is whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
It's your duty to never put yourself in a position of competing for someone who isn't available.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationships, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.