Woman Shares The 'Really Good' Reasons Couples Should Live In Separate Homes — Even If They Have Kids
Your ideal living situation might not look the same as someone else's, and that's okay!
@rebelmarie / TikTok People tend to have strong opinions about couples' living arrangements. What works for one couple may not work for the next, but that’s no grounds for judgment as long as everyone’s happy. While couples sleeping separately has become more commonplace, one woman’s TikTok about why she and her partner live in completely separate apartments sparked intense discussion.
A woman made a video discussing her reasons for living in a separate apartment from her boyfriend.
TikTok user Rebel Nell Marie responded to a video about couples having separate bedrooms to talk about her own living situation. “She gave you really good reasons to have your own bedroom, I’m going to give you reasons to have your own apartment,” Marie stated at the beginning of her video. She explained that she and her partner had been dating for four years, but never lived together — instead, they bought a duplex.
“We’re both divorced. We got used to living alone. We also both have kids,” Marie explained. “We have different design aesthetics. I am a maximalist, he is not. We don’t fight about who does the dishes… we don’t fight about clutter… we are responsible for our own spaces.”
Marie’s succinct description of her living situation garnered over two million views and almost four thousand comments. Although she clearly expressed that the arrangement worked for her and her family, some people still found ways to object to the idea.
One comment that got over 500 likes said, “lol just break up. do y'all even like each other? I don't understand straight people.” Marie clarified in response that she is bisexual, not straight.
Other replies to the comment pointed out that regardless of sexuality, what works for one relationship might not work for the next, and that it’s rude to judge others for not living their lives in the same way you would. “This has nothing to do with sexuality. If it’s working for them then it’s working, don’t be sour,” one person commented. “Just because you like your own space does not mean you don't like each other,” another added.
Other people chimed in saying that they would love a living situation like Marie’s. “I’m not straight and I’d do this,” wrote one reply, “I’m extremely introverted and I HATE having to constantly live with someone, even my mom.”
Aside from a few rude comments, most of the responses to Marie’s video were positive. Reactions ranged from curiosity to enthusiastic agreement, with plenty of people expressing their desire for a living situation similar to hers. One woman declared, “I’ve found my people! I want my partner to live close to me and have access but still have my own space!” Another woman joined the conversation to vouch for Marie’s setup, saying “Separate floors. Married 35 years. Still crazy about him. Independence isn’t a reflection of satisfaction.”
Some partners want to share their space completely, while others may need more independence.
This doesn’t have to mean living in completely separate apartments, though. In the original video Marie stitched, @kat.studios talked about her reasons for her and her partner having separate bedrooms. Her way of thinking was similar to Marie’s — having your own space can be valuable.
“We do usually end up sleeping together in the same room, but sometimes one of us has to get up early for work in the morning, or one of us is sick, or one of us is tossing and turning and having trouble sleeping, and we just want our own space,” she explained. She also added that having separate bedrooms meant removing the need to compromise on bedroom setup or decor.
“The last reason we like having separate bedrooms is because sometimes couples fight, and it’s really nice to have a private, personal space where you can go take a beat, get your thoughts in order, and take some time for yourself,” she said. “It’s a little easier to have that space for ourselves using another bedroom versus a more communal space like a kitchen or living room.”
While there are definitely benefits to having your own room, or even your own apartment, it’s not the most cost-effective option. Comments on both TikToks shared that they loved the idea of having their own space, but that they just didn’t have the money.
“I love this but my teacher salary could never,” one woman lamented.
Ultimately, it’s up to each couple to decide what living arrangement works best for them. In the words of the woman who posted the original TikTok, “Honestly, as long as people are legitimately happy and healthy doing whatever it is they’re doing, that’s all that matters.”
Jessica Bracken is a writer living in Davis, California. She covers entertainment and news for YourTango.