Woman Is Criticized By Date For 'Eating Too Fast' — 'Are You Trying To Enjoy This Date Or Not?'
Is this a new red flag people should be warned about?
RossHelen / Ollyy / Shutterstock / CanvaPro We’ve all had our fair share of bad dates, but most of the time, we don’t have the hard evidence to prove to others just how bad it was. Luckily for us, one woman was able to prove just how horrendous meeting a potential match can be by capturing snippets of a recent first-date dinner. Some of the highlights include the man criticizing the speed at which the woman ate her meal, accusing her of not being interested in their conversation because she was eating and claiming that her purse was fake.
The man told the woman she was ‘eating too fast’ on their date.
22-year-old Winta Zesu shared the uncomfortable interaction in a TikTok video that has garnered over 3 million views. As she and her date, who remains off-camera, are enjoying their meal, he suddenly asks her to “slow down” while she’s eating. “Why are you eating so fast? Food’s not going anywhere,” the man tells Zesu rather aggressively as she picks up a forkful of salad.
He believes that Zesu’s eating pace implies she was not “enjoying” the date. “Why would you take me out if you don’t want me to eat?” she asks him. The man claims that he wanted to “talk and get to know” Zesu without food interference. “What’s the point of going on a date if we’re not gonna talk to each other?” the man insists.
Just when we think the date cannot get any more uncomfortable, the man instructs Zesu to slide her credit card under the table “so it looks like I paid for the dinner.” Claiming, “I have a reputation to maintain in this restaurant.”
At this point, Zesu is rightfully fed up with the date that could not end fast enough. “Can you actually pay for it and leave?” she asks him. “What do you mean you want me to pay for it? I thought you were taking me out,” the man argues.
When Zesu informs her date that she did not bring her credit card, he responds that it is not “ladylike” to assume your date will pay and demands to know what she even carries around in her purse.
“It’s empty. It’s just for decoration,” Zesu sarcastically tells the man. “I thought you were rich. You told me you come from a wealthy family,” the man argues.
Zesu cannot take any more of the excruciating date, “Can you stop talking? I’m trying to eat and leave.”
TikTok users were left with their jaws on the ground after hearing the man’s remarks on the date.
“Oh my god! I’d be like boy you have no right to talk to me like that,” one user commented. “I’m so sorry. This whole date seemed awful. Hope that you’re okay,” another user wrote. “I would have taken my stuff along with my plate of food, walked up to a waitress and let them know that he’ll be paying for my food, and walked out of there!” another user shared.
Even though it goes without saying, others urged Zesu not to schedule a second date with the man.
When it comes to first-date etiquette, or etiquette at all for that matter, a very important rule is to never criticize the speed at which your date is eating. Really, leave food criticism out of the conversation altogether. The voracity at which your date eats is not an indication that they are having a bad time. Maybe that's just how they eat. Maybe it's a compliment to the food or restaurant. Or maybe it's like talking fast when you're nervous — it just happens.
The man's behavior implies that he may be controlling.
Although the date went sour, it had the positive outcome of Zesu dodging a major bullet. Based on the snippets of conversation we heard, it is safe to assume that the man would have made a controlling and emotionally abusive partner. Asking someone not to chew with their mouth full so that you can understand what they are saying is one thing. Demanding that they eat slower so that they can fully commit themselves to listening to you, and accusing them of eating fast just to escape (especially on the first date) is another story.
“A controlling person is often very skilled at making you feel that you've done something wrong even before you realize what you did,” Clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior told Psychology Today. “From where you put their favorite coffee mug to whether you had lunch with a coworker without them knowing, you will always be assumed to have had criminal motives.”
It’s better that Zesu recognized the man’s dangerously problematic behavior now rather than later.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.