Woman Wonders If She’s Wrong For Not Telling Her Boyfriend About Being A Surrogate Before They Dated
Is it any of his business?
Just Life / Shutterstock.com A 28-year-old woman and her 29-year-old boyfriend of two and a half years are fighting because he saw a photograph of when she was 20 and very clearly pregnant despite telling him that she didn’t want to raise any children with him.
She explained that her older sister and her husband had struggled with fertility issues and offered herself up to be their surrogate mother in order for them to raise a child together, but the boyfriend was still upset about this new discovery.
Now, she wonders if she was wrong for not telling her boyfriend about being a surrogate mother.
In order to get an unbiased third opinion on whether or not she was in the wrong for not telling her boyfriend about being a surrogate mother, she took to Reddit and posted on the popular subreddit “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA).
Typically, when someone posts in this subreddit, the millions of active members will pick apart all the pieces of the post and decide whether or not you were in the wrong or if you were in the right, assigning you a rating of either “You’re the a--hole” (YTA) or “Not the a--hole” (NTA).
There’s a little more context behind why she’s NTA, but an overwhelming majority of people agreed with that rating.
Originally, he had thought that she had a child and had given it up, but upon explaining, it seemed like he only got more upset.
“I never brought it up before as I didn't think it mattered and it was so long ago that it wasn't really anyone else's business,” she wrote.
“He, however, feels differently and when we left he told me I should have told him and said how it wasn't fair I'd been willing to give my sister a child but wouldn't even consider having one with him.”
An argument that, logically speaking, doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense considering carrying a child is an entirely different thing than raising a child for decades.
“I told him I was sorry for not telling him but I honestly hadn't felt it was his business as it had been years before we got together,” she continued.
“I then reminded him how he had been the one to say he could live without children as I'd warned him long ago.”
This is really where the problem is stemming from — his desire to have children and her not wanting to have any.
Everyone in the replies to the post pointed out that he was still struggling with the idea of never having children with her, and it was hitting him now.
“NTA. Also, your BF clearly wants to have a child. This is not going to go away,” wrote one of the top comments who also suggested that she find someone who also doesn’t want kids from the outset.
This seems to be the resounding conclusion from those in the comments, but someone else also brought up the point that yes, she probably should have told her boyfriend of two and a half years that she was a surrogate mother to a child.
“You and bf discussed children, and you had to assume he would see those pictures if he stuck around long. Your pregnancy should have been mentioned,” they wrote.
Relationships are built on communication, and something like that should have been communicated if they’ve talked about having children before.
Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Follow him on Twitter here.