Widow Gives A PSA For Her Deceased Husband’s Ex-Girlfriend Who Reached Out To Her With An ‘Audacious’ Letter
Her message highlights the importance of being considerate when expressing condolences and avoiding placing undue emotional burdens on those mourning.
PBXStudio / DeeaF / Shutterstock A grieving widow was left feeling even more anger and bitterness after she received an unexpected message from her late husband’s former girlfriend. While she was not seeking any revenge or financial favors after learning about her previous boyfriend’s death, the woman did ask his widow for one favor that raised eyebrows.
The late husband’s ex-girlfriend asked his widow to apologize to him on her behalf.
After receiving the alarming request, Caroline (@rebelliousjezabel) took to TikTok to issue a PSA to her late husband’s girlfriend from 22 years ago, Lisa, who recently learned about his death. Caroline claims that the video is intended for Lisa, and if we are not her, we can continue scrolling (which just pulls us in even more!)
“In the last 15 months since I have lost Kevin (her husband), people have said some astonishingly, outrageously stupid things,” she reveals. “But you ma’am, are number one.”
Caroline then reveals a screenshot of a direct message that she received from Lisa regarding Kevin.
“Hi, Caroline. I apologize in advance if this message causes any grief to resurface for you,” the message starts. “You don’t know me, but I just wanted to reach out to express my deepest condolences. I just found out Kevin passed away last year. He and I were very close in high school and reconnected briefly when he came home from the Marines. We had a falling out and hadn’t spoken after that.”
Lisa claimed that she “regretted” not making more of an effort to communicate with Kevin, even if he “hated” her. She then requests that Caroline do her a significant favor on her behalf the next time she visits Kevin’s final resting place.
“Please tell him I’m sorry and I never stopped caring for him as a person and a friend,” she writes. “We had a lot of good memories and I will cherish those always. I’m glad to know he found such happiness with you and your beautiful daughters and I wish the best for the three of you.”
Despite the overall friendly and supportive tone of the message, Caroline could not shake the fact that this stranger had asked such a thing.
Slamming her actions as “inappropriate,” Caroline said, “Kevin and I were happily together for over the last 15 years, so I am aware of your brief relationship history. I will say that ‘cherishing your good memories regarding your ex’ is something for your ‘inside voice’ and not to drop on the doorstep of his widow.”
She calls Lisa mentioning how close she and Kevin used to be “appalling,” and does not hold back on telling her just how insignificant she was to her late husband.
“Kevin was a good man, who died only dating Mitch McConnell,” Caroline shares. “To support the alleviation of your guilt, let me assure you that you were not important enough to him in the grand scheme of his life to hate.”
She adds that it is not her duty as Kevin’s widow and wife of 15 years to clear the conscious of his former girlfriend when she visits his resting place.
“I truly hope that none of these things were intentional as they are irrational,” she said. “But I cannot fathom what might incline you to think that I was the person to send this message to.”
Caroline then goes on to claim that Lisa “must have no friends” since a true friend would never allow her to send the inappropriate message in the first place.
Viewers who lost life partners shared that they did not see an issue with Lisa’s message.
They believed that she likely did not know what to say to Caroline in light of the incredibly difficult and complex situation. Caroline decided to address these opinions in a follow-up video, admitting that she did not believe that Lisa sent her the message with ill intentions.
“Do I think she was being hateful? No. Does that make a difference in how I received it? Also no,” she said.
She claims that she is entitled to feel “irritated” and “offended” that her late husband’s former girlfriend asked her to do the emotional labor of apologizing to him on her behalf the next time she visits his resting place with her children.
Many other people understood where Caroline was coming from.
“As a widow, I dealt with ridiculous exes as well, they have all the audacity,” one TikTok user commented.
“She could have just said that she was sad to hear, she has fond memories of him and you’re in her thoughts. that would be super fine at most,” another user pointed out.
“You handled that way better than I would have. I’m so sorry you had to go through this,” another user wrote.
Learning about the death of someone who you were once close with is bound to bring up mixed emotions.
We may feel guilty, angry, shocked, and hurt that we never had the chance to say goodbye or smooth things over if things were rocky. While we may want to reach out to their loved ones and express our condolences, it is best if we refrain from piling our own grief onto them.
We can mourn them by reflecting privately on the good memories we had with them, and even write them a letter expressing all our emotions, tucking it away for ourselves to read over when we are feeling especially grief-stricken.
Death is complex, and people may say the wrong things to others in the midst of their grief. However, it is no one else’s responsibility to cleanse our souls and alleviate our guilt while they are in mourning themselves.
Lisa’s pain is not Caroline’s to bear.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.