Why You Should Never Date The Man Who Describes Himself As A 'Good Guy'
Actions always speak much louder than words ever will.
Asier Romero / Zwiebackesser / Shutterstock If you’re a heterosexual woman in the dating field, you’ve likely heard this done-to-death self-description from potential matches: “I’m a good guy” or “I’m not like the others.” It can be pretty convincing. After all, who isn't looking for a nice partner?
However, we may be thrown a massive curveball when these so-called “nice guys” turn out to be anything but. In fact, they may actually be the absolute worst guys you can go for, and there are plenty of people sharing their relationship nightmare stories to prove it.
Most of the self-proclaimed ‘good guys’ believe that they’re nice since they don’t cheat on or hit their partners.
Spoiler alert: there are many other ways you can hurt your partner that do not involve infidelity and violence. According to life coach Shawnda on TikTok (@lifecoachshawn), many of the “good guys” are the ones who are “hurting women like it’s a sport.”
She claims that despite their self-proclamations, some men “have absolutely no idea what being a good guy really is.” The not-so-nice reality, according to Shawnda, is, “Some guys think that they’re a good guy because they don’t cheat or because they don’t beat women, but they’ll gaslight the heck out of you.”
And in the most candid explanation possible, she states, “They’ll breadcrumb you, they’ll say anything they have to to get you in bed.”
When their partners call them out for unsavory behavior, however, that is when their “nice guy” act suddenly fades, and they grow aggressive and hostile toward their partners. “You curse women out, you call them out of their names, you’re verbally abusive, but you still think you’re a good guy,” Shawnda points out.
Other ‘nice guys’ will act ‘nice’ toward you... until the moment you reject them.
When some men are trying to woo women, they'll naturally offer a multitude of compliments and platitudes. However, if and when a woman makes it clear that she is not interested, that nice guy persona can completely disappear as a result of a bruised ego.
Case in point, TikTok user Kay (@pinballwench) endured personal insults by a stranger who took it upon himself to defend the guy she rejected. “Hairy arms, pronouns in bio, looks incredibly musty… I’d say he dodged a bullet,” the nasty comment read.
Ironically enough, the man’s TikTok username was “goodguy.”
“When women say that we don’t trust people who call themselves ‘nice guys’ or ‘good guys,’ this is why,” Kay pointed out.
Most men agree that bare minimum niceness is not something to brag about.
Even if some self-proclaimed "good guys" don't cheat, hit, or verbally insult their partners, and even if they are genuinely nice people, it is not as impressive a trait as they think it is.
While in a relationship, demonstrating compassion and care toward your partner is what is expected of you.
One man perfectly broke down why being just a “nice guy” is not enough for most women, and what they are seeking instead. “Let me tell you the problem with nice guys,” TikTok user @cyzorstudio explained. “Being nice isn’t a flex. That’s what you’re supposed to be. Expecting women to want you because you’re a nice guy is like expecting a woman to want you because you shower regularly.”
Most women want a man who is not only nice to them, but who is also attractive, smart, and compassionate. The list, of course, goes on, but nice as a valued personality trait seems like a cop out — especially since "mean" never enters the equation.
If a guy wants to prove that he's nice, actions speak louder than words.
A true nice guy will never have to announce just how nice he is. Instead, his good qualities will shine through. "When your partner's actions are not aligned with their words, you will begin to learn that they are not trustworthy,” Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, told Verywell Mind.
If your partner is really the nice guy he claims to be, he will dedicate his time and energy to building a strong foundation of trust and understanding, and do whatever it takes to make you feel secure in the relationship.
Most importantly, he won’t shout from the rooftops about what a nice guy he is. He’ll simply be himself.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.