Woman Says 'Withholding Gratitude' From Your Husband For Helping Around The House Is A 'Recipe For Disaster'
Gratitude goes a long way, even if you believe these things are to be expected.
@emilywking / TikTok A mother on TikTok recently posted a video where she discussed the bare minimum she expects her husband to perform and claimed she would not thank him for performing these minute tasks.
After watching this video, a woman named Emily King had some words to say and uploaded her own video in response, pretty much disagreeing with everything that she said.
King believes that men should be thanked for helping with housework.
“I’m not going to thank my husband for putting a new trash bag into the trash can. I’m going to thank him for putting his clothes in the hamper. I’m not going to thank him for unloading the dishwasher. I’m not going to thank him for changing the diaper,” the mom said in the original TikTok, continuing down the list. By the end of it, she says she isn’t going to thank him for any of the things that come with just living in a house.
She believes these tasks would be required if they weren’t living together, so why should she thank him for doing them just because she’s there? King believes she has the answer to that, but emphasized her thoughts on the current trend that seems to be going around.
“I’m not sure where this line of thought came from, that if we say thank you or show gratitude any type of gratitude that we are enabling lazy men and that we will end up receiving less,” she says. “Ladies, that is not how men work.”
Let’s be real — women are tired. They’re exhausted. Whether they have children together or not, women in relationships with cis men often find themselves carrying a bulk of the mental load doing both emotional and physical labor while men get by with weaponized incompetence.
According to a Gallup survey in 2019, men were more likely than women to perform three roles when it came to living together: yard work, caring for the car, and making saving or investment decisions, while women were more likely than men to make decisions about furniture and decorations, do laundry, clean the house, prepare meals, care for the kids, wash dishes, and even pay the bills.
A divorce lawyer has stated that the main reason women are leaving is because they’re tired — need I go on? There’s a very clear trend in society today that shows us how often men are negligent in performing ordinary household tasks, especially with social media exposing every aspect of everyone’s life, but Emily makes a fair point.
She believes ‘gratitude’ goes a long way and withholding it is a ‘recipe for disaster.’
“Could you imagine if a man took the same line of thought and he decided that he would no longer praise you for caring for your children? For making dinner? Or for doing housework?” she asked.
It’s a different story if a man uses weaponized incompetence to avoid tasks or simply never does anything, but if he’s just doing his equal duty… why not thank him? The gratitude should go both ways, and he should be thanking you for everything that you do for him and your family together as well.
“Men are results-driven, which is why gratitude, even for the small things, goes a long way. And withholding gratitude simply because you feel entitled to those things or actions is a recipe for disaster,” she finished her video.
Thanks should not be expected, lest these tasks turn into some kind of transactional experience. Yes, regular household chores should be completed regardless of who does them or who is thanked for them, but showing your appreciation for someone should not be contingent on how much they’ve done for you — unless it’s too little.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.