A Therapist Noticed A Concerning Trend Among Women 35-55 Years Old — 'To Live Like This Is Not Humane'
Her advice isn’t necessarily easy, yet it is fairly simple.
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels Therapist Loretta Cella shared a trend she’s seeing that’s “undeniable” among women between the ages of 35 and 55 years old.
Cella, who by her own estimation has worked in human services for 24 years, across 14 countries, spoke directly to women in this age range who are “living a life where you are in disarray, physically, mentally, emotionally.”
She clarified that this disarray affects these women’s work life, their relationships, and how they relate to their kids. In other words, all aspects of women’s lives are touched by this trend.
The therapist noted the concerning trend of women between 35 and 55 feeling ‘disorganized, unsettled, and exhausted.’
Cella explained that her clients have come to her, entirely aware of the “dysfunction that is in their lives” after deciding “they can no longer live this way.” She described how one client told her that she considers a day successful if she has a brief moment of peace that allows her to “hold it together.”
“To live day in and day out like this is not humane,” Cella proclaimed. “It is not serving your heart, it is not serving your soul.”
She described how exhaustion and misery is perpetuated by how we carry our emotions into the different areas of our lives, saying, “If you’re in a job for an end to a means, and you come home and you’re exhausted and miserable, and you take that into your home life, and everybody else is exhausted and miserable,” that energy will only perpetuate itself.
“The only way to stop the cycle of disease and dysfunction and exhaustion is to take moments of clarity through rest,” Cella stated. “Taking moments to stop and pause.”
Photo: Elijah O'Donnell / Pexels
She explained that cycles can’t be broken if we continue what we’re doing, upholding the actions that make us dysregulated.
“It is time to create change,” Cella declared, before offering methods to support those changes. She spoke directly to her audience, saying, “I want you to take a moment… and I want you to grab a piece of paper and I want you to grab a pen. I want you to to take a couple deep breaths and I want you to tap into your heartbeat, either with the pulse point or with the chest.”
She demonstrated by putting her hand up to the pulse in her neck, then to her left side, where her heart lies. She told viewers to feel their heartbeat and breath, and ask themselves a question: “What do I want my life to look like?”
“If you had a life that felt like you were seen, you were heard, and you were safe, what would that look like and feel like?” Cella asked the women she was addressing to write down a list of elements of that imagined life onto paper, clearly outlining the kind of work they would do, their living situation, the kinds of friends they have around them.
Photo: cottonbro studio / Pexels
“What kinds of things are you doing in the day to day that would feel really good and connected?” she asked. “It doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be super simple.” She advised people to spend a few days sitting with that list, before “tapping in [and asking]: where can I start?"
“I want you to feel into it, and then I want you to do something that aligns with what is on that paper,” Cella urged.
In a separate post, Cella spoke to the issues of how to achieve the refueling that we so desperately need. She discussed ways to refill our cups and access joy, especially for women who feel a sense of guilt or unease when they rest.
“There has to be a paradigm shift within us,” she explained. “The women who feel guilty about resting, it is because they’ve always put people, places, and things above their own needs.”
She explained the cultural and social conditioning that women experience to place others’ needs above our own, which eventually manifests into feeling entirely burnt-out.
She also explained that the guilt won’t go away without a complete paradigm shift, which can be achieved by “reawakening your connection to your worthiness and your enoughness in the world.”
She described one major challenge of burning out, which is how hard it is to come back from it. By reassessing our lifestyles and putting our need to care for ourselves at a premium, we can then offer a rested, joyful version of ourselves to others in our lives.
Cella posted a response video addressing people who felt offended and personally excluded by the specific age range in her advice. She explained, “When I use these age ranges — in and around 35 to 55 — It’s not to exclude… it’s just an age range, where most of my clients come in.”
Still, she acknowledged that the resources she provides in her TikTok profile can be used by those who are seeking support, no matter what age they are.
In another post, Cella offered guidance on maintaining the “number 1 relationship in your life — your heart and your breath.”
“If we are neglecting those connections between the heart and the breath, meaning our emotions, desires… and the oxygen we breathe in, if we don’t have those regulated, it affects every single aspect of our lives,” she said. She invited the women watching to “Take a pause, and just be 60 seconds a day with your heart and your breath.”
“We can shift our relationships,” Cella explained. “We can shift our life. We can come into connection to so many different things.” She offered her own experience as living proof of the possibilities of changing, and sent her viewers off with her support.
Her advice isn’t necessarily easy, yet it is fairly simple. We all benefit from listening to our bodies and honoring what our inner selves need, especially if that need is to stop, rest, and realign.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers mental health, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.