Special Needs Mom Films Herself Yelling About Her Son — And Then Shows The Video To Him & His Siblings
She's experiencing parental burnout, but it's totally normal.
@stoneypag3 / TikTok A mom of three needed to blow off some steam, so she went on TikTok and recorded a video of herself screaming about how difficult it was being a parent — she just needed to let it all out. She explained what was going on, why she was so frustrated, and tried to explain to people why it was really hard.
Parental burnout is a real phenomenon, and the issue can feel a whole lot more stressful when one of your kids requires a little more care than their siblings.
She claimed that being a ‘special needs mom’ is not for the weak.
“I just need to express myself [right now] I’m sorry for this manic episode,” she explained in her caption. The text in the video itself read, “POV: You’re a special needs mom,” letting us know that this is her perspective and her personal experience with being a special needs mom.
Immediately, she yelled, “Okay, having a kid with special [expletive] needs IS NOT FOR THE WEAK!” She was clearly frustrated, tired and stressed, and continued venting about her feelings in the minute-long clip. "Why [are] 40 bottles of [expletive] water gone?” she asked, holding the empty plastic that normally encases all of the water bottles from Walmart. “Because he didn’t want to open the same [expletive] bottle and drink his backwash.”
Although this pack is costing less than $5.40 at your local store, that money can add up when your son is just tossing water bottles into the trash every time he wants to take a sip. Add in the extra effort of having to continuously go to the store and pick up water just for this to happen again, and the strain it puts on your mental health will continue to stack. Next, the mom grabbed a pair of broken sandals from the ground. “Why are your flops broken from you flipping them up in the [expletive] air, catching them, and smashing them on the ground? Or scooting your [expletive] feet up all the way to the edge of the [expletive] surface and popping them?”
This mom was experiencing parental burnout magnified by being a special needs parent.
According to CDC data, via PBS, one out of every 36 children was diagnosed with autism in 2020. With the recent uptick in autism diagnoses, it’s important to realize that being a special needs caregiver indeed is “not for the weak,” to put it in this mom’s words. An article from the American Psychological Association containing data from multiple studies concludes that one of the major symptoms of caregiver burnout is increased irritability, anxiety, and stress.
Lisa Coyne, Ph.D., a senior clinical consultant at McLean Hospital OCD Institute in Massachusetts, told APA, “If there are groups already experiencing prolonged chronic stressors, they are going to be at higher risk for vulnerability to mental health issues and burnout.” One of these stressors is noted as being the caregiver for a special needs child.
“I love my son,” the mom said after finishing her explanation about her son’s sandals. “My ponytail coming out, that’s how stressed I am y’all. I can’t [expletive] take it. I can’t [expletive] take it. I’m having one of those moments,” she repeated until she finally gave up and said to herself, “It’s okay.”
After recording the video, the mom showed her son and his siblings the clip of her yelling.
There’s no audio in the follow-up video, but we can see the kids’ expressions clear as day, and her special needs son, Tinky, does not seem to care. The text in the video reads, “Tinky doesn’t have any social [cues] so when he’s guilty of something he’ll give the evil underbrow eye look,” and sure enough, he did during the video.
At several moments, while the mom is screaming in the original clip, we can see the kids laughing and smiling at her frustration — and the mom smiles and laughs too! She just needed to let out her frustrations. Now, she can look back and laugh.
It’s normal for parents to be frustrated with their kids. They’ll really do and say the darndest things. As a parent, if you’re experiencing prolonged parental burnout, it’s important to seek resources that can help you, whether that be therapy or some kind of social service that can relieve some of your burdens.
At the end of the day, they’re just kids, and they don’t know any better. Not only that, but being a caregiver to a child with special needs comes with its own challenges. Thankfully, there were many parents in her comments providing her with support and encouragement, and hopefully they continue to give her strength when times get tough.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.