4 Signs You're Dealing With A 'Leech' Narcissist
All they do is take, take, take.
Alena Darmel, Hrecheniuk Oleksii, My world, Richard Villalon | Canva If you’ve never had to deal with a narcissist, count yourself lucky. Their elevated sense of self-importance, need for excessive validation from others, lack of emotional intelligence, and tendency to almost enjoy traumatizing you can leave you in a state of utter despair. People who have spent any amount of time connected to a narcissist rarely leave the relationship unscathed.
But not all narcissists are created equally.
There are malignant narcissists, one of the most evil and dangerous types of narcissists. Then you have the overt narcissist who fits the definition to a tee; a grandiose personality, a preoccupation with dreams of success and power, conniving and manipulative, and a huge superiority complex. The covert narcissist flies under the radar but has the same destructive characteristics. They just hide theirs better.
One type of narcissist you might be unfamiliar with is the ‘leech’ narcissist.
Nawal Houghton, a divorce coach who specializes in divorce from narcissists, coined the term in an Instagram reel explaining the personality traits of a leech narcissist who always takes, but never really gives. The leech narcissist is a member of the covert narcissist family who has “strategized” to make you take care of them while you get nothing at all in return.
Here are four signs that someone is a leech narcissist.
1. They make you the breadwinner.
According to Houghton, a leech narcissist will always find a way to make you take care of them. You go to work and make a living that will support their financial needs. On the home front, there will be no give and take. You’re on your own and they are just a dependent. They may even have “hunted you down” with the intention of using you from the start.
2. They look for work but never seem to find or keep a job.
Leech narcissists seemingly put in effort to find work, but always come up empty, even in a great job market. Even when they find employment, it doesn’t last long, and they are full of excuses as to why. It’s always someone else’s fault; the supervisor, a coworker, or they simply didn’t like the job.
3. They don’t take any responsibility.
One would think that if one partner is working hard and providing, the other will step up and make the house a home. That is certainly an incorrect assumption with the leech narcissist. He will allow you to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders while he sits back and watches. If you’re looking for someone you can grow and build with, you’ve come to the wrong place.
4. They will fail, so you never ask again.
Houghton says that these leeches “will do a really bad job so you never ask them again.” They will weaponize incompetence to complete tasks halfheartedly, doing an unsatisfactory job so you feel like it’s easier to just do it yourself. Your leech narcissists won’t feel bad at all as you slave away.
When it comes to leech narcissists, they aren’t much different from the rest.
They feel entitled to your labor, resources, and undying love. They take because in their minds, they deserve to, and you owe them for the mere privilege of being in their presence.
Relationships are built on love, mutual support, trust, communication, and understanding. Whether your partner is a narcissist or not, they are overburdening you if they don’t pull their weight. You should be comfortable alone and only attach to a person who adds to or enhances your life. If they can’t do that, what are they really there for?
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.