Mom Wonders If Being A Parent Ever Makes Others Feel Sad About Their Own Childhoods
Her question rang true for many other parents.
William Fortunato / Pexels Not everyone has a fairytale childhood. Unfortunately, many have traumatic childhoods that can cause lifelong damage. One mom turned to Reddit to see if there were others who validated her feelings about her not-so-great childhood memories.
A mom asked a personal question on Reddit that resonated with many other parents on the r/parenting subreddit.
She explained that she had a difficult childhood, and she’s “still working through some of that trauma and working on that relationship with my own parents.” She also stated that she’s a first-time mom “to a 20-month-old who’s the light of my life.”
The mom wondered if being a parent ever made others feel sad about their own childhoods, and the response was overwhelming.
She described an experience she shared with her son that brought back a traumatic memory from her childhood. She let her son play with bath markers in the tub, “and now my tiles look [like] multicolored chaos and he loves it! He looked up at me with this big cheeky grin as he’s admiring his work and it just gave me a flashback.”
Photo: Melike Benli / Pexels
She recounted a memory from her past, of when her parents re-papered the hallway in their home while her younger brother was a toddler.
“They’d let us scribble all over the unpapered walls,” she stated. “My brother got confused about drawing on walls and drew all over his bedroom wall and I remember him looking up at me with the same cheeky grin my son had today."
This, however, was right before her brother was then screamed at and hit for his confusion, the OP explained.
She continued, “Remembering [my] brother being so proud of himself to that over-the-top reaction just makes my heart hurt for him.”
The mom’s question garnered thoughtful responses from other parents, who also felt sad considering their childhoods.
One mom explained that becoming a parent was “the push to get me to go to therapy instead of trying to work through things on my own. It’s the reason I parent the way that I do.”
Another person quoted the saying, “Be who you needed when you were younger,” a statement that speaks to how many parents are doing the work to break patterns of generational trauma that have been passed down through their families.
“I’ve had lots of therapy and it’s been my life’s work to become a healthy person and understand child development,” explained a different parent. “I have no fear of repeating most of the mistakes my parents made.”
It’s important to note that all parents make mistakes, even the ones working to heal. Yet having an awareness of that fact as a parent signifies a level of self-awareness and connection that can only be beneficial to you and your family.
Photo: Tatiana Syrikova / Pexels
Love is a transformational force, one that can lead us to do the work to become healthier versions of ourselves. An inherent part of becoming a parent involves reconsidering and reevaluating the ways we were parented. A major part of healing is to give voice to our traumas.
This mom’s ability to pinpoint a hard memory from her childhood, then recognize that she wants to raise her son in a different way, is in itself healing.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.