Mom Reveals She's Starting To 'Hate' Her Husband Because He's Bonded With Their Daughter More Than She Has
She admitted that she's happy her husband is such an attentive father, but wishes she could have the same relationship with their daughter.
Anna Kraynova / Shutterstock / Liza Summer / Pexels / Reddit A woman revealed that she is starting to dislike how easily her husband is able to connect with their newborn daughter.
Posting to the subreddit r/TrueOffMyChest — an online forum where people can share personal incidents that are happening in their lives — a mom claimed that she is worried about the relationship she's trying to build with her daughter that is only being made worse because she's feeling disconnected from her.
The woman admitted to disliking how easily her husband is able to bond with their newborn daughter.
In her Reddit post, she wrote that once she and her husband found out they were going to have a baby, they both decided that he would be a stay-at-home dad while she went to work full-time. "This is what both of us wanted and what would work the best considering I made a lot more than him."
Due to having to stay home during the last few weeks of her pregnancy, once she gave birth, she had to go back to work. Since going back to her job, she is only able to spend 20 minutes in the morning with her daughter, and by the time she comes home in the evenings, her daughter is already asleep.
"At night my husband INSISTS on being the one to get up every time because he’s worried about me getting enough sleep even though I tell him I’d rather spend time with our daughter and be tired. But it doesn’t really matter because she cries whenever I hold her," she revealed.
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When she attempts to feed her daughter, the newborn refuses to take a bottle from her. Her daughter will become fussy whenever she tries to hold her and comfort her back to sleep and will cry unless her dad is holding her.
"Since I’ve been back at work we’ve been alone together maybe four times and every single time she has cried the entire time her dad wasn’t there. I literally know nothing about her and it seems like my husband can read her mind."
While she shared that she doesn't regret her decision to work full-time and her husband being a stay-at-home dad, she simply wishes that there was more time in the day that she can spend with her daughter. Her husband tries to make her feel better by telling her about all of the unpleasant parts of their days, including when she spits up on him or has a "stinky" diaper, but those stories only make her feel worse.
"I want to be spat on and sh-t on if that meant my baby actually liked me. He sends me pictures and videos of her all day when I’m at work but it honestly just pisses me off that I’m the one who gave birth to her and all she does [is] cry at me."
She concluded her post by acknowledging that she's grateful that her husband is an attentive and amazing dad to their daughter, but she only wishes that she could have the same relationship with their child as well.
Many parents often feel that they are not bonding correctly with their children right after birth.
Feeling a lack of bonding with a baby is more common than many people realize. It's important to understand that bonding is a complex and individual process that can vary from person to person. According to WebMD, studies have found that about 20% of new moms and dads feel no real emotional attachment to their newborns in the hours after delivery. Sometimes, it takes weeks or even months to feel that attachment.
It's important to remember that bonding difficulties can be exacerbated if you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or exhausted. Prioritize self-care and seek support for your own well-being. When you take care of yourself, you'll be in a better position to bond with your baby.
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In the comments section, many people urged the mom writing the post to seek out professional help if the feelings continued, pointing out that she may be suffering from postpartum depression, which occurs in about 6.5% to 20% of women.
Others encouraged her to insist on spending time with her daughter, and telling her husband that she wants to be the one to feed their daughter at night to better improve their bond.
"As simple as this sounds it’s just the truth, you need more time with her," one Reddit user suggested. "You must INSIST to feed her at night, your husband can help facilitate the feedings but you obviously need to be feeding her FOR YOU."
"Your husband needs to give you the baby to be with her, even if she’s crying. And you will learn how to bounce her and walk her and feed her."
It's crucial to note that a parent not feeling bonded with their baby initially does not mean they are a bad parent or that the bond won't develop over time. Bonding is a dynamic process that can be influenced by various factors, and it often takes time and effort to strengthen the parent-child relationship.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.