Mom Questions Decision To Have More Than 1 Kid — 'I'm Mourning The Life We Had'
She worried about the changes having more kids would bring.
Becerra Govea Photo / Pexels The mom of a three-year-old wrote to Reddit wondering how other parents handled the transition from having one kid to having multiple kids. She asked the "r/parenting" subreddit, “How did you cope with the change?”
The mom questioned her decision to have more than one kid, saying, ‘I’m mourning the life we had.’
“It’s the night before my scheduled induction and I can’t sleep,” she wrote. “I am so sad that tomorrow, everything changes.”
The mom described life with her toddler as being “so easy at this point,” stating, “She’s a fluke of a child. She has her moments, but overall she is just incredible to be around... she is just really easy and I believe we got really lucky.”
She wrote for advice on the night before she gave birth to twins. She explained that she and her partner wanted more than one child, but never expected to have two babies at once. She worried about the changes coming their way, stating, “The newborn stage is going to be so hard. My daughter is going to have to sacrifice so much.”
Photo: Pixabay / Pexels
“Now that it’s here and we’re starting from ground zero all over again I dread it,” the mom explained. “Doing things with my 3 kids will never be as easy as with 1.”
The mom feared that having more than one child meant the end of life as her family knew it.
“I trust there will be so much good,” she said. She clarified how much she loves having a sister of her own, and expressed her hope that her daughter also loves having siblings. Yet she described the feeling of ambivalence she had about having multiple children, saying, “There’s a part of me deep down inside that wishes we’d decided to just have one and focus all of our attention and energy on her.”
Other parents on the thread were extremely reassuring of the mom’s worries. Many people praised her for so clearly articulating a feeling that they, too, experienced. As one parent said, “You’ll be able to find the strength to juggle this all and remember these emotions are normal, others have felt this too and have gotten through it.”
“Take it one day at a time, or one week at a time,” they continued. “Things will go up and down. I'm sure you know you got this, and good job.” Another person affirmed the mom’s sense of loss, saying, “It’s always ok to mourn what we will lose while we open a new door.”
Photo: Pixabay / Pexels
“I’m so glad you get to cherish your one-on-one time and that she was a great first baby,” they said. She’ll get to be a sweet big sister and your heart will be even more full.” Someone else exclaimed, “You have ruined nothing, you’re giving your girl a wonderful life. It’ll be hard but it will also be full of magic.”
One parent relayed what they were told after welcoming a new baby to their established family.
They said, “You receive a chest of love for each child. When you only have one, you think that the following children will have to share that chest. But no, when others arrive, you will now have two chests of love (in your case three) chests of love. Your first child will also receive a chest for his new siblings.”
The mom’s concerns about her expanding family resonated with other parents. That she felt able to openly discuss her mixed feelings is hugely important.
All too often, moms are boxed into one rigid narrative of how to feel about their role. It’s not only normal to feel ambivalent about parenting, it’s totally okay. While the mom’s journey with a larger family might be challenging, it will also be full of joyful moments.
As other parents on Reddit made clear, love is never a finite resource — it can only deepen as we go.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.