Mom Issues 'PSA' To 'Manipulative' Grandparents Who Think They're 'The Center Of The Universe'
She says the relationship should be all about the grandchild, but so many Boomer grandparents seem to think it's the other way around.
@highwaistedcookie / TikTok People have struggled with their in-laws for probably as long as marriage has been a thing, but once grandchildren are brought into the picture, it's a whole other ball of wax.
One mom on TikTok has had it with the way some grandparents feel a sense of entitlement to their grandchildren, and she's calling them out for seeming to have their priorities way out of whack — and making parents' job even harder.
The mom issued a 'PSA' for manipulative grandparents who think the relationship is all about them.
TikToker Renee Bledsoe (@highwaistedcookie) is a stay-at-home mom with her own baking business, so she has lots on her plate — no pun intended. But the visit to her husband's parents' house she recently made with her small kids ended up adding more stress to her plate, and it left her deeply exasperated and wanting to send a message to grandparents everywhere.
In her video, she told of how her husband's stepmother sent her a "cringey" text. "Hint: grandmas, mother-in-laws, grandparents, this is what you don't want to say: 'Well, we wait all year for this.'"
Photo: @highwaistedcookie / TikTok
The mom could barely contain her irritiation as she explained why these comments rub her the wrong way.
"I call [BS] when you say things like, 'we wait all year for this,' because that statement is so manipulative on so many different levels," she said. "You, as the adult, are now making yourself the center of attention. And if that doesn't make sense, play that back and kind of sit with it for a minute."
Bledsoe feels the relationship should be all about the grandchild, but too many grandparents make it about themselves.
"The point of the visit is to be with your grandchildren," she went on to say, "so the center of that situation should be the grandchildren." But we've likely all witnessed grandparents who do exactly was set Bledsoe off — monopolizing their grandchild's time, demanding their attention and affection, and making everything about themselves.
And sure, this is all likely motivated by their deep love for their grandchild, but as the TikToker went on to describe, it makes parents' jobs so much harder.
Photo: @highwaistedcookie / TikTok
"If you're sitting there trying to get 900 pictures... and not listening to the parents and trying to dictate plans and you don't care if a child is tired or overstimulated or anything because you, the adult, want all of these things from a tiny human, you have a really big problem," she said pointedly.
Experts say setting boundaries with grandparents is essential, and that grandparents need to learn to accept them.
Overbearing and manipulative grandparents is an incredibly common problem according to parenting experts like Robina Uddin below, who says setting boundaries with in-laws and grandparents, especially when it comes to parenting practices, is key to managing the difficulties.
Of course, you can set all the boundaries you want, but you can't make your kids' grandparents follow them. And grandmother and author Diane Quintana told us it's ultimately up to grandparents to back off and know their place if they want to have a good relationship with their adult children.
It's especially important to respect the fact that things are very different nowadays where parenting and relationships are concerned. "Times have changed. Methods have changed," Quintana writes. "Silence is golden."
It's understandable that grandparents would want to glom onto their grandkids every chance they get, especially if they don't get to see them as much as they would like. But it's important for grandparents to remember they're not entitled to their grandchildren, as much as they may feel otherwise.
As Bledsoe put it, "Our generation, we love the idea of amazing, doting, loving [grandparents who] want to be present, want to be a part of a community and village... but we're not here for the outdated rules that put us under this thumb of insane expectations that put mother-in-laws, grandmas, and grandparents at the center of a universe that truly needs to focus on our babies."
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.