Mom Accused Of Being 'Abusive' After Refusing To Discipline Her 4-Year-Old Daughter For Yelling In Her Face

A mom opened up about how she chooses to parent her daughter whenever she's acting out but was met with some criticism about it.

In a TikTok video, Sabriena Abrre, a mom to a 4-year-old daughter, admitted that due to her own childhood, she chose to use the parenting technique of gentle parenting her child and has been doing so since she was born. Abrre provided insight into how exactly she goes about it, recounting an incident where she chose not to yell at her daughter.

When her daughter yelled at her, Abrre chose to use a different form of communication than yelling back.

"My daughter screamed at my face, bloody murder, screamed at my face," Abrre began in her video. She immediately was transported back to her own childhood, when her mother would yell, hit her, and harshly punish her for instances like that, and Abrre knew she didn't want to do the same to her daughter.

Abrre explained that she wants to be able to handle these situations differently instead of following her knee-jerk reaction, which would've been yelling back at her 4-year-old daughter, Zamira. Instead of screaming, Abrre realized that she "needed to be calm" if she was going to teach her daughter why yelling isn't a good thing to do.

"I looked my daughter in the eye, looked down, and said, 'That really hurt my feelings. I need some space right now,' and I walked out of the room," she recalled. Abrre pointed out that it didn't actually hurt her feelings, but she knew that her daughter was only getting overwhelmed by her own emotions.

"The second I cut off access to me, set that boundary, and turned my back, my daughter started screaming, ‘I’m so sorry,'" Abrre continued. "I want to build that intrinsic motivation to repair the situation. I want them to feel remorse and want to repair it rather than me forcing it."

After walking out of the room, Abrre eventually went back to her daughter, who was still expressing deep remorse for yelling unprovoked. She accepted Zamira's apology and informed her that there are times when our emotions get the best of a situation.

"Every misbehavior is an opportunity to teach your kids a valuable lesson rather than shame them, use punishment, fear, bribes, threats, whatever it is. It doesn't need to be done with violence," Abrre insisted.

People accused Abrre of being 'abusive' by refusing to discipline her daughter, but sometimes yelling is not the answer.

In the comment section, Abrre was met with some criticism from people who didn't necessarily agree with her gentle parenting technique.

"Honestly I know you mean well but it feels a lot like guilt-tripping and It would just destroy me when my mom did that to me," one TikTok user wrote, while another user added, "No, this is emotional abuse."

While many people disagreed with Abrre's technique, it is true that simply yelling at a child when they've done something wrong doesn't teach them how to use communication to the best of their ability, or that what they did is wrong.

Yelling at a child can be emotionally damaging and create fear and anxiety, which can lead to a strained parent-child relationship and erode trust. Instead of understanding their mistake and learning from it, the child may become defensive, shut down, or focus on the parent's anger rather than the issue at hand.

However, it is understandable that sometimes there is no other choice but to speak sternly to a child who has done something bad and needs reprimanding.

While speaking with CNN, Elizabeth Gershoff, a professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin, explained how to go about yelling if it comes down to it.

Gershoff pointed out that parents should refrain from critiquing their children when yelling, to take into consideration the frequency in which parents yell, and to consider that yelling, depending on a child's age, may not be effective.

"Parents let the irritation show in our voice because we want the child to know we are frustrated with the hope that it will motivate them,” Gershoff explained, adding that parents should “make it clear that we are frustrated with the behavior and not the child itself.”

Every parent and child is different, what works for one family will probably not work for another. It's important to pay attention to what works when disciplining a child, and what doesn't. Effective discipline aims to teach and guide children, helping them develop self-control, responsibility, and respect for others.

Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.