Man Tells Live-In Girlfriend Of 3 Years She's Not 'Allowed' To Tell His Daughter What To Do & Asks If He's Justified
Is he holding realistic expectations?
Max kegfire / Shutterstock A man is questioning his girlfriend’s role in his teen daughter’s life after she told her to change her appearance before going to a party.
He was out of town at the time and he had already given his daughter permission to go to the party. When he confronted his girlfriend and told her that she had no right to overstep, they wound up getting into a heated argument.
Now the man is wondering if he was wrong to forbid his girlfriend from ordering around his daughter.
His girlfriend forbid his daughter from going to a party wearing ‘provocative’ makeup.
Sharing his story to the subreddit thread, r/AmITheA–hole, the father asked if he was being unreasonable for telling his live-in girlfriend that she “wasn’t allowed” to tell his daughter what to do.
He began his post by revealing that he and his girlfriend have been dating for three years and she moved into his home six months ago. He is a widower, and he wanted to ensure that their relationship was “serious” before allowing her to live with him and his 16-year-old daughter.
Thankfully, his girlfriend and daughter both got along well, and he laid down some ground rules with her.
“I told my girlfriend at the very beginning of our relationship that I wasn't looking for a stepmom for my daughter, she's old enough that she doesn't need a 'new mom,'” he wrote.
Recently, he went camping over a weekend with his friends, leaving his daughter and girlfriend home alone. His daughter was going to a party, and the father had already granted her permission to go before he left.
However, when he got home he learned that his girlfriend attempted to foil his daughter’s plans.
“When I came back from my camping trip my daughter complained that my girlfriend told her she had to wash her makeup off and do one that's less ‘provocative’ before she could leave the house,” the man wrote.
He was upset with his girlfriend, believing that she overstepped a boundary.
“I got angry at my girlfriend and told her she wasn't allowed to order my daughter around and she wasn't allowed to prevent her from doing anything that I already agreed to,” he shared.
After an intense argument, the man claims that he and his girlfriend have “barely spoken.”
“My daughter is 16. She doesn't need a babysitter and my girlfriend isn't my daughter's stepmom or guardian,” he emphasized. “She's my girlfriend, that's it.”
Still, he wonders if he is wrong or if his girlfriend thought otherwise.
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Some Redditors believed that the man’s reaction was justified and that his girlfriend should not tell his daughter what to do.
“Regardless of the age, going against OP's [original poster’s] already laid out wishes wouldn't be acceptable,” one user commented.
“She could be 10 years old and if OP said she can wear makeup, the girlfriend would still have no right to go against it.”
“Your daughter is 16, and you made it clear with your girlfriend that she is not gonna be a mom figure in any way whatsoever. It's not her place to talk about that,” another user wrote.
“He didn’t leave his daughter there to get babysat. OP’s [original poster’s] girlfriend was overstepping yes,” another added.
However, others believed that as one of the adults living in the house, the man’s girlfriend was entitled to some degree of authority.
“You’re setting up a weird power dynamic between your girlfriend and your daughter by not establishing ground rules between them,” one user pointed out.
“What if she drove home drunk? What if she were using drugs? That puts her in a position of legal responsibility for your daughter’s actions.”
Others suggested that the man and his girlfriend formulate specific plans on what is appropriate for his girlfriend to handle involving his daughter.
“Sort out what things your daughter can handle on her own, and what things, as a minor, she needs to have an adult to help deal with,” one user recommended.
“Be specific, and make sure paperwork is set up so your girlfriend can get things like emergency medical care without complications if needed.”
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.