Man Slammed For Refusing To Pay For Disabled Wife Who Left Work To Raise Their Baby While Grieving
He says his paycheck is "his" money only.
Nastyaofly/Shutterstock A man who asked for advice on Reddit says he refuses to fund his wife’s activities outside the home since she is unemployed.
She claims that the inheritance she received from her late grandmother should count as compensation for both of them. Now the man is wondering if he is wrong by not providing her with extra spending money while he works and she is at home caring for their daughter.
The man shared his story on the subreddit thread, “r/AmItheA–hole” (AITA), seeking the opinion of other users regarding the situation. Users had the choice to give him a “You’re the A–hole” (YTA) rating if they believed that he was wrong or a “You’re Not the A-hole” (YNTA) rating if they thought he was not.
The man's wife left work to care for their child shortly after losing her grandmother.
The man began his post by sharing that he and his wife worked full-time in low-middle earning jobs before the birth of their daughter, with his wife receiving a slightly higher salary than him.
After their daughter was born, the man’s wife returned to work when the baby was three-months-old out of financial necessity.
However, it was not an easy decision on his wife’s end.
“Her mental health became pretty bad and she has a minor disability that makes work life a little hard and she found it a bit worse after having our daughter,” the man shared of his wife. “But we had to do what we had to do.”
When their daughter was six-months-old, the man’s wife’s grandmother, who practically “raised” her the man claims, passed away. The man’s wife received an inheritance from her late grandmother, which was a generous amount of money.
“It was a big inheritance. Not enough for us both to immediately retire but a lot,” the man wrote. “Enough for us to buy a decent house outright, a new car each and to put some away for a comfortable retirement.”
Shortly after the death of her grandmother, the man’s wife stopped working to become a stay-at-home mother. The man claimed that his wife struggled with grief and balancing her job, and she preferred to be at home with their daughter.
“Thing is though, I'd rather not work and be a stay-at-home dad too but I've been sucking it up because we still need an income to get by,” the man revealed.
Recently, the man says his wife spoke with him about how they should budget their money in the future so they could solely live off of his income. He claimed that his wife had been dipping into her savings to “pull her weight” but is now tied up in investments.
However, the man disagreed with her. “I said if I'm the one who has to work (and I'd rather not) I don't think I should have to spend my money funding her hobbies and spending money,” he wrote.
"If she chooses not to work then she can buy clothes at the charity shop instead of new and get a friend to cut her hair for free etc.”
He also suggested to his wife that she get a job working night shifts or starting an online business to bring in some extra cash for herself.
“I don't see why I should have to pay for stuff like her sewing materials and gym membership since I don't benefit from them and they're not my responsibility,” the man wrote.
He told his wife that he was happy to provide financially for their daughter since she was his responsibility whereas his wife was not.
“I work 36 hours a week and I already pay for the bills and food,” he added.
The man’s wife believed that he was not being reasonable. “She said that's not fair if I get to enjoy my gym membership and hobbies like video games but the difference is I'm paying for them with my money,” the man shared.
His wife claimed the inheritance she received from her late grandmother was worth more than if she spent her entire life working. Without it, both she and her husband would have to work full-time while dealing with higher expenses due to their mortgage and car loans.
She believes that the inheritance should be enough to call it even in terms of financial support between her and her husband. The man is now asking Reddit users if he is wrong.
Redditors slammed the man and declared him YTA.
They were quick to point out that if it were not for the inheritance his wife received, he would not have all of the luxuries he currently has.
“You are aware that the inheritance belonged solely to your wife? Right? She didn’t have to buy you a house, car or fund your retirement,” one user wrote.
The further I read this the more whiny the “MY money” sounded. He’s going to retire off HER money. Also, they are married, he’s acting like she’s his roommate or concubine,” another commented.
Others argued that being a stay-at-home mother is a job that the man should be paying her for all the work she provides at home.
“But also, as a SAHM OP's [original poster] wife provides round-the-clock care for their daughter... She should start charging him for that service. If he dOesN'T wAnT to fUnD her wellbeing, then why should she provide free child care?” another user responded. OP [original poster] you sound like a competitive, jealous person, not a partner.”
Marriage is not only a love commitment but a teamwork commitment, a concept this man fails to grasp. Hos wife may not be paying the bills, but she is making the sacrifice to be the main care provider for their child.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.