Man Won’t Adopt Wife's Daughter Because He 'Doesn't Love Her' Like His Other Kids, Despite Raising Her For 10 Years
The news will crush her daughter.
RF._.studio / Pexels A woman was left shocked after her husband revealed that he has no plans to adopt her daughter.
Posting to the subreddit "r/Marriage" — a forum where users share the ups and downs of their marriages — she explained that her husband has been parenting her daughter for the past 10 years, but when approached about the topic of adopting her, he said no.
In her Reddit post, the woman wrote that she had her daughter when she was 16, and when her daughter was 6, she met her current husband.
The woman's husband refuses to adopt her daughter, despite parenting her for over a decade.
After meeting her current husband, she recalled that he promised to always love his stepdaughter as if she was his own.
Over the years, the two even welcomed more children together.
On her daughter's 16th birthday, she told her mother that she wanted her stepfather to adopt her.
"I thought this was a great idea and he has always been her dad anyways. He said yes and there were a lot of happy tears, and my younger kids were happy. It was one of the happiest moments of my life," she wrote.
While the moment started as a joyous one, it all quickly came tumbling down.
Later that night, the woman's husband approached her and confessed that he didn't want to adopt her daughter, despite agreeing to it previously.
"He told me that he did love her, but not the same and he felt a bit weird adopting her because he felt like it would be a disservice to her to have a dad who didn't love her like his other kids," she said of her husband's reason.
He added that while he didn't want to adopt her daughter anymore, he would still allow her to take his last name.
"He said he knows we are a package deal and would always treat her well and like a part of the family but he couldn't be her dad."
He apologized and admitted that he felt a large sense of "guilt," but promised that he would talk to his stepdaughter and tell her the truth.
She is now reconsidering her marriage to him after hearing that he doesn't want to adopt her daughter.
After her husband revealed his true feelings about the adoption, the woman shared that the news hurt her immensely.
"My heart never hurt more [at] that moment and I genuinely feel like I have failed my daughter. I told him I didn't want him to speak to her about it, and that if clearly doesn't think of her as his kid then it [is] my job as a parent to take care of her."
Since the incident, the woman has been trying to figure out the future of her marriage and whether or not she wants a divorce.
"I've felt sick, dizzy, and numb all week. How do I tell my daughter? I don't know what to do," she shared.
She pointed out that the news will absolutely crush her daughter, who sees her stepfather as her dad since she's never had a relationship with her biological father.
"He has helped raise her and disciplined her, and shared her best and worst moments with her. I have never felt so terribly about something in my life. Please help. I think I want a divorce," she concluded.
Reddit users reacted to the woman's ordeal, sharing their sympathies.
Under the woman's Reddit post, users flocked to the comments to share their bewilderment over the dilemma.
"I can’t imagine the openness and vulnerability it took for a 16-year-old to ask this. I’m sure she felt like he would say yes or she wouldn’t have risked the rejection," one user wrote.
Another user added, "I could never love a man who would do that to my child. I understand the risks with adoption, but she's 16 and would likely be 17 before the adoption is finalized."
"Any parental responsibilities would be over in a year, and he's already fulfilling those responsibilities as is. There's no downside to him adopting her. He's choosing not to do this, choosing to cause trauma to your daughter, for no purpose."
A third user chimed in, "To be rejected by biological father is bad enough. But to have the man who’s been a father figure all these years, also reject her!?!?!?! This is going to break her heart!"
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.