Man Called 'Manipulative' After Writing His Stay-At-Home Wife A 'Performance Review' About Her Parenting
He claims his wife plays favorites with their children.
fizkes | Shutterstock A husband is being criticized after revealing how he told his wife she needs to work on her parenting skills.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) — a forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them — he explained the dynamic between his wife and their children is a concern for him.
He wrote his stay-at-home wife a 'performance review' about her parenting.
In his Reddit post, he wrote that he and his wife have a six-year-old daughter, while she has a 13-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, and they also have custody of their 15-year-old niece.
"The teens are each other’s best friends, they share a large bedroom which was done at their request. The dynamic here is pretty much mom and youngest against the teens, with me being the referee between everyone."
When it comes to the couple's youngest daughter, his wife will constantly tell her to "blame others for her actions to avoid consequences."
That advice has led the youngest to often blame the older children for things that she's done, which will get her out of trouble.
"There’s no doubt, she is my wife’s favorite. I love her, but she’s becoming nothing more than an entitled brat," he pointed out.
He provided an example, recounting a time that he and his wife had left their home to go to an appointment and when they returned, they noticed that one of their children had used the pool without permission.
When they asked their youngest daughter, she denied ever being in the pool and was instead holed up in her room. However, the teenagers said that wasn't true, and the young girl had gone swimming with them too.
"Only the teens were punished, my wife refused to give the youngest any type of consequence. I later found her wet swimming suit hidden in the garage."
Despite trying to tell his wife that only punishing their eldest and not the youngest was unfair, especially since the little girl lied about swimming in the pool, his wife refused to listen.
"The lying, blaming, and favoritism ultimately caused the teens to act out, understandably. Most of their consequences are done by giving more chores, specifically the chores the 6-year-old has," he explained.
Because of his wife's blatant favoritism toward their youngest daughter, he noticed that the two eldest children now don't care about the "verbal attacks" they receive from their mother since they are always blamed for things they haven't done.
As a solution, he decided to write his wife a "performance review" since trying to talk to her about it always led to arguments.
His wife called him 'manipulative' and 'abusive' for writing her the review.
"Her areas in need of improvement, well it was a lot. But I touched on how she needs to listen better, [and] stop being biased," he wrote of the performance review given to his wife.
He also pointed out that his wife needs to be fair in the decision she makes and to stop jumping to conclusions when it comes to their children.
He even recommended that she give each child the same amount of attention, or speak to them one-on-one.
"So it wouldn’t be an entire slap to her face, I gave her accolades on her strong points for other areas aside from parenting."
However, his wife didn't take the review about her parenting in the way that he'd hoped.
She called her husband and his review "manipulative, abusive, and sexist," telling him that if they were doing things like that now, she may as well have access to his bank account and take half his paycheck every week.
Most Reddit users who commented on the man's post criticized both him and his wife for their behavior.
"The concerns you have are legitimate and it needs an urgent solution. But, the way you went about it is really unhealthy," one user wrote.
"The parenting of your children is not a project. You are not her boss, you are her husband and the father of her kid. Giving her a performance review comes across as really condescending."
Another user added, "You don't give partners performance reviews. That's gross and you should treat her as your equal."
"Her attitude towards the kids is bad, don't get me wrong. But the way you handled it is so inappropriate."
A third user chimed in, "if you can't discuss the problems directly with your wife because she's too stubborn or too difficult try to get someone else in the middle (like a counselor) to act as a referee."
"Your wife favoring one child over the others is horrible and I can understand how frustrating that must be for you. But the correct written form to communicate with your WIFE is a letter," a fourth user remarked.
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.