Husband With Finance Job Tells Wife He Could 'Easily' Manage Her Stay-At-Home-Mom Role — 'What I Do Involves More Intellect Than Household Operations'
It turns out, there’s no job that’s more inherently valuable than any other job.
Jep Gambardella / Pexels A 30-year-old man with a wife who’s the same age, and a daughter who’s 7 years old, wrote to the subreddit r/AmITheA–hole wondering if he was wrong for the way he responded to a comment his wife made about the value of her role within their family.
He introduced himself to the Reddit community by exclaiming, “I work in finance and my wife is a stay-at-home mom as I earn sufficient for the both of us.”
The man told his wife that he could ‘easily’ manage her stay-at-home-mom role because of his skills from his finance job.
He qualified his explanation by saying, “I love my wife, but she finds it humorous to say that I am incapable of doing household tasks.” He explained that upon making the decision that she’d be a stay-at-home mom, they agreed that she would manage their household, and he would “do stuff occasionally when we are both home if she asks me to.”
Photo: Elina Fairytale / Pexels
“The other day we were eating and she told me about her day and how she went grocery shopping and optimized the cost by buying specific items at specific stores and accounting for the cost of traveling to each store,” he said. “She made an offhand remark that I would never be able to do that and said it in a ‘what would you ever do without me?’ kind of way.”
He told her, “I handle complex decisions and calculations at my work as I work in finance and that I have a master's degree... even though I acknowledge and appreciate what she does, I would be capable if the roles were reversed.”
His wife got understandably angry; he reported that she “seemed to think I was calling her stupid when I wasn't and then cried and now I feel like an a–hole.”
The man minimized his wife’s role as a stay-at-home mom by comparing it to his finance job, claiming, ‘What I do involves more intellect than household operations.’
“She said she was a very good student and had she graduated she would be in my position as well,” he stated. He went on to explain that he and his wife met in college, where she was an international student majoring in physics and computer science. She wasn’t able to finish her degree because “she had issues with her loan from her home country and could not afford to complete it,” the man stated. “We got married then so she could stay.”
He explained that she wanted to finish her degree “after finding the funds, but she agreed to be a stay-at-home-mom when I got a good job and I appreciate that a lot as we were able to have a kid early on, even while I was both completing my masters and working full time.”
The people in the comments almost unanimously agreed that the man was being an unmitigated jerk to his wife.
One person noted that the man’s professional success was directly linked to the support he received from his wife. They said, “You wouldn’t have a master's degree (that you’re so proud of) or your job if she hadn’t given up her education and her dreams to raise your kid. Technically, you couldn’t do your job without her and you wouldn’t have it without her.”
They continued to call the man out for his ungrateful and self-centered attitude, explaining that without his wife’s support, “you literally would have neither of those things if she hadn’t sacrificed everything she wanted for herself to make your life possible.”
“Several people have suggested that you take up her job since you believe you can do it, and allow her to return to her education,” they said. “You have declined. This means you literally can’t do her job.”
Photo: Cottonbro Studio / Pexels
They exclaimed, “Stop saying you can do her job when you can’t and are flat out unwilling to, and start looking for ways to give her a sense of pride and accomplishment. She deserves a happy and fulfilled life too.”
Another person told him, “You need to go back to husband school. She was telling you about her day and probably was pleased that she'd shopped the way she did… She wanted recognition of her value to you.”
They urged him to recognize how privileged he is, saying, “Household management is a skill. It is both practical and requires specialist knowledge. It requires someone who can get things done. You just see the bit of the iceberg that sticks out above the water and you have no idea of how much organizational skill is going into your household.”
One person offered practical advice on how to fix the situation, saying, “See if she wants to go back to school. Ask her what she's thinking and listen.”
There’s no job that’s more inherently valuable than any other job. Working in finance might be complex, but so is raising a child and managing a household. The wife continuously offered emotional and practical support to a man who seems to center his own sense of importance over offering her equal care.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.