Husband Thinks He Made A Mistake By Telling His Wife She No Longer Has An Excuse To Not Work
He definitely could have gone about that better.
troyanphotos, seenad, SIphotography via Canva After having a baby two years ago and transitioning his wife into a stay at home mom (which they both consented to), a man on Reddit quickly realized that she was getting overwhelmed with taking care of their beautiful baby girl.
Despite her best efforts to claim that she was okay, he started looking into childcare options and struck gold when he found out that his job offered childcare benefits as well. He would be able to bring her to work, drop her off at the daycare that’s in the building he works, and then leave work with her at the same time — it was perfect.
What wasn’t perfect, however, was the eventual argument that he and his wife got into as an aftermath of her no longer having a baby to take care of. Posting in the “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA) subreddit, he asked whether or not he was wrong for what he told her.
He told his wife she no longer has an excuse to not work since their daughter is at daycare.
Photo: Reddit
Before their eventual blow-up, he provided some context. “Here is where the issue arrives, my wife is not doing anything,” he claimed. “We split the household chores. That is how it was in my family growing up and I find cleaning and cooking relaxing. So I am fine with it. That being said my wife has not done much with her day since our daughter started daycare.”
He understood that there would obviously be a transition period, but he didn’t think that it would last this long. “I brought up the million-dollar question ‘When are you going back to work?’” but she didn’t like that. She tried to change the subject, and so he tried once more.
“This may have been a miscalculation on my part, but I figured I am in this deep let's see it to the end,” he explained. “She gave me a glare of death and tried to change the subject. I kindly interjected, not trying to push you but practically speaking I told her that she has no excuse to not be working. This was my tactical error, she blew up.”
They both used outdated arguments against each other — she claimed a good husband should provide for the wife and kids, and he claimed that if that were the case, she should be doing all of the cooking and cleaning.
“She clapped back with your coworkers' wives get to stay home and do nothing. I told her I agree but they have cheated on their wives want me to start doing that?” he explained. “I am sure you piece together the rest.”
Although everyone told him he wasn’t in the wrong, he could afford to be a little more sympathetic.
Naturally, everyone told him that he was in the right for telling his wife that she should go back to work, but he went about it entirely the wrong way. Pushing someone to do something had never historically been an effective way to get someone to do something.
Instead, he should identify the root of her problem and why it doesn’t seem like she wants to get back to work. Redditors in the comments called her lazy, but she could be stressed or even depressed about transitioning her daughter to daycare.
Whatever the case, he’s right about one thing — she can’t just stay at home forever.
Although he’s fully capable of supporting their family on his income alone, most partners want someone with similar values as them, and part of that means contributing to the relationship.
He claims that she has no mental health issues that he’s aware of and that she enjoyed her work as a software engineer back before she became a full-time SAHM. Now, it’s all about getting her off her feet and back into the fold.
Hopefully, he won’t apply pressure on her the next time they talk about her finding a new job.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.