How To 'Completely Disarm A Narcissist,' According To A Diagnosed Narcissist
His candid confessions provide an inside look into life through the lens of someone grappling daily with NPD.
Giulio_Fornasar / Shutterstock Navigating a relationship with someone diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can be an intricate and complex endeavor. How do you connect with someone with that diagnosis?
Well, a self-proclaimed "nameless narcissist" regularly shares insights into the mind of a person living with NPD. He recently offered a unique perspective on how to disarm someone displaying narcissistic behaviors.
Here's how to 'completely disarm a narcissist,' according to a diagnosed narcissist.
In a recent video shared to TikTok, the nameless narcissist, also known as "Jacob," delved into the deep-seated insecurities often housed within individuals diagnosed with NPD. He noted that their external displays of grandiosity and superiority are typically masks for an underlying belief in their own unworthiness.
"Fundamentally, narcissists believe that they are unlovable," he said. "This is why narcissists put on a persona so often. It's because narcissists like me believe that we have to hide the unlovable aspects of ourselves."
In his candid admission, Jacob emphasized that some individuals might not even be consciously aware of harboring such beliefs about themselves; it could be buried deep within their psyche. This internal conflict often leads them to project onto others accusations about lack of genuine love or care towards them.
Jacob then shared his personal experience when one of his ex-partners managed to 'disarm' him by recognizing and acknowledging these hidden parts of himself.
"She says to me, 'Jacob, I know that you hide parts yourself from me, and to the degree that I'm not sure I'll ever know all of you,'" he said. "I have caught glimpses of things that you try to hide. And I love those things just as much as the things that you show openly if not more."
According to Jacob, this statement was impactful because it addressed what lies at the core of many individuals with NPD: a constant feeling of being insincere or fake due to constantly curating their outward persona.
"I feel fake consistently," he said. "I feel like anybody who says they love me is either falling for my persona or just hasn't gotten knew me well enough."
By acknowledging the constant mask-wearing and concealing at play in her relationship with Jacob his ex-partner made him feel seen in a way no one else had before. "That made me feel more seen than anything," he said. "And so she became the one person whose love I actually trusted."
Jacob's candid confessions provide an inside look into life through the lens of someone grappling daily with NPD.
Does his advice work to disarm someone with NPD?
In an article medically reviewed by Dr. Tarra Bates Duford, June Grace told YourTango in May 2022 how to deal with a narcissist. On top of that, she gave advice on how to disarm one.
"The best way to disarm them is to be in complete control of your emotions and not feed their ego," she wrote. "To verbally disarm them is to not say anything at all to them about themselves."
However, sometimes it might not be worth it to disarm a partner who's exhibiting narcissistic tendencies. Instead, leaving the relationship can be the best option. But how do you do it safely?
Nicola Beer, a relationship counselor, told YourTango in March 2023 how to leave a narcissist peacefully and safely. She offers a few tips, among them including "don't discuss your plans to leave," "seek professional help," and "cut off all contact."
It's important to note that there isn't a universal approach when interacting effectively with individuals diagnosed with NPD. Each person's experiences will differ according to individual factors, such as awareness level regarding their diagnosis.
So, Beer's point about seeking out a professional can be helpful to plot the best course of action.
Ethan Cotler is a writer and frequent contributor to YourTango living in Boston. His writing covers entertainment, news, and human interest stories.