Grandma Concerned She Might Be Wrong After Using 'Old School' Parenting Techniques On 3-Year-Old Grandson
She's clashing with her son and daughter-in-law because of how she is disciplining her grandson.
MIA Studio / Shutterstock A grandmother candidly opened up about how much she struggles with disciplining her grandson due to her son and daughter-in-law's preferences.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AITA," the 65-year-old woman shared that she was visiting her son, his wife, and their 3-year-old son, but is now being asked to stay somewhere else because of how her parenting techniques.
The grandma was constantly being corrected on the right ways to discipline her 3-year-old grandson.
In her Reddit post, she explained that she was visiting her son, his wife, and her grandson. She's been staying with them for the last two weeks and clarified that it was the first time she had stayed with them in their house because she would've usually stayed in a hotel but asked to stay since they now have a bigger place.
Her visit has been rather smooth, and she noted that her 3-year-old grandson is usually not bad, but has moments where she is quick to correct his behavior.
"For example, he will chew on his stuffed animals and I tell him, 'Stop don’t do that,' but then my [daughter-in-law] will correct me and say, 'No it’s comforting to him.' Or she will let him do the stairs by himself and when I yelled at him to 'Be careful” and 'Wait for Grandma,' my [daughter-in-law] told me that he has been doing the stairs and it’s better to give him 'confidence' with a watchful eye instead of carrying him," she wrote.
Photo: Dragana Gordic / Shutterstock
Due to this, the 65-year-old grandma has noticed that she and her daughter-in-law have very differing opinions on the right way to parent her grandson. She even brought up how her daughter-in-law wouldn't even let her kiss her grandson after he was born, which hurt her feelings.
Despite both her son and daughter-in-law allowing her to stay with them, her son recently told her that it would be best if she left and stayed at a hotel, which she assumed came from her daughter-in-law rather than her son. He argued that they both feel uncomfortable with her trying to parent her grandson whenever they are not around, especially when they have their own routine of doing things.
Her son accused her of being too 'controlling' with her parenting techniques.
She decided to finally speak with her son about how his words had been hurtful, but when she confronted him, he accused her of having a "controlling" personality that spanned from when he was a kid.
"I am heartbroken. I will own up to being controlling after [the] examples he said. He said I delayed him with things and babied him too much and it really wasn’t a problem until now that I’m controlling his parenting," she recalled him saying to her.
What she originally believed to only be an issue between her and her daughter-in-law was actually more to do with her son. He told her that just because he and his brother "turned out great" didn't mean that she had excellent and perfect parenting techniques.
She acknowledged that while she may not have been the best mother, her two sons are still her "greatest accomplishment," adding, "We left the conversation with us taking a week off and then deciding if I should cancel my trip because they need space. I'm very sad but understand."
People provided helpful tips on how she can repair the relationship with her son and not tread on their toes when it comes to her grandson.
In the comments section of the post, most people agreed that she was in the wrong for trying to implement her own parenting techniques on her grandson without having a proper conversation with her son and daughter-in-law.
"It’s their kid. NOT yours, you literally have no right to parent their kids. And if you can’t respect the way they’re parenting their kid then better get used to spending less time with your grandchild," one Reddit user wrote.
Photo: Los Muertos Crew / Pexels
Another user suggested that she try researching modern parenting tips and the best ways to raise children in this day and age. "My advice to you is to find a book by someone with a PhD in early childhood education, specifically about independence, and read it or listen to the audiobook. Get your information from a trusted, objective source," they advised. "It does take a village to raise a child, but that village has to be on the same page."
In this case, it's important that boundaries are respected, especially since her son and daughter-in-law have their own sets of rules and techniques that they use on their son, not only that but things that have worked for them. Offering support without imposing her views is key.
For example, if they allow the child to climb stairs independently, she can express her concerns but ultimately respect their decision.
Finding common ground and working toward rebuilding her relationship, not only with her grandson but her son and daughter-in-law, will require healthy communication and dialogue between everyone. The grandmother should instead focus on providing a positive and supportive environment for her grandson, while also respecting her son and daughter-in-law's primary role as parents.
It's clear that this grandmother feels deep sorrow for how she made her son feel while he was growing up and is eager to take the necessary steps to be the best grandparent to her grandson. It's also clear that she harbors a massive amount of love for her family, and that in itself should be praised.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.