A Little Girl Wants To Exclude Two Girls In Her Class From Her Birthday Party Because They're 'Boring' & 'No One Likes Them' — But Her Mom Thinks It's Unfair
There's a teachable moment here, but it definitely doesn't come from forcing them to be invited.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock A mom on Reddit is dealing with a difficult parenting predicament as her 11-year-old daughter prepares for her 12th birthday, one that she wants to ring in with a “cool” birthday party. Now that she’s in middle school and she’s going through those changes, she’s taken the liberty of doing all the planning, which includes the invitations.
However, her daughter chose to invite all the girls in her class except for two, and when she asked her daughter why they weren’t invited, she didn’t like what her daughter said.
She told her mom that she didn’t invite her two classmates because ‘no one really likes them.’
“She’s been planning the color scheme, theme, and decorations enthusiastically, and she even made invitations online that she asked me to print out,” she explains in her post. “I asked her if she wants me to print one for all the girls in her class, and she said she’s inviting everyone except 2 girls.”
It’s fun to see your kid take the initiative and get so excited about something, especially since it was the mom’s suggestion to have the birthday party at the new laser tag place that opened up, but she didn’t appreciate how she appeared to be leaving two girls out — so she pressed it.
Photo: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels
“I asked why and she said she doesn’t like those girls,” she continued. “She said no one really likes them. This bothered me so I pressed her, asking if they’ve ever been unkind to her. She said no, but they have no fashion sense and they’re just generally boring.”
These are sixth graders. As an adult, I always found it funny to think back on my old middle school days and recognize how unimportant these cliquey behaviors were.
Kids are mean and will really do and say the darndest thing. Still, to those two girls who might be getting bullied, or anyone who gets bullied or has been bullied, for that matter, it can be incredibly damaging.
Bullying can create trauma that lasts a lifetime. Approximately 23% of the kids who were frequently bullied in school sought out help for a psychiatric problem before the age of 30. One study found that kids who were bullied were at higher risk of mental health issues even well into their fifties.
Her mother saw this and was worried about her daughter’s behavior. She worried that maybe, her daughter was bullying these kids, so she came up with a plan.
She tried to force her daughter into inviting the two girls she planned on excluding.
“I didn’t like the way she was talking, so I said she has to invite them too if she’s inviting literally every other girl in class,” she said. “She got upset and said I was being unfair because it’s her birthday and it’s supposed to be for her.”
This is where the root of the issue comes to light — the mom’s not sure whether or not she was in the wrong for telling her daughter to invite the two girls who were excluded.
“I’ve met a few of my daughter’s ‘friends,’ and they are weirdly competitive and judgmental,” she adds in an update to the post. “It’s valid to not like someone because you just don’t have much in common, but I don’t think this is why her class doesn’t like these kids.”
Photo: cottonbro studio / Pexels
She notes how much her daughter has changed since entering middle school, and she’s simply worried that her daughter is going down the wrong path, but forcing her to invite these kids could be a mistake.
The top comment on the post reads, “Word of caution. Middle schoolers being what they are, if the 2 girls come under a forced invitation to a laser tag place, and are disliked by the rest of the class, you are setting them up to possibly be bullied and ganged up on.”
There’s a lesson to be learned here, but it’s not going to be taught by forcing your kid to invite the kids who might potentially be bullied. There are plenty of resources online to help parents struggling with this kind of thing, but one of the main ideas is to teach kids to treat everyone with respect and kindness.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.