Dad Who Fired The Nanny For Using His Bathroom Asks If His Reaction Was Justified
What initially seemed to be a communication breakdown was actually an indicator of something more serious.
Kevin Laminto and Alfonso Scarpa / Unsplash A single father wrote into Reddit seeking advice following several disconcerting interactions with the 27-year-old woman he employed as a live-in nanny for his 1-year-old daughter.
The dad fired the nanny for using his bathroom and wondered if his reaction was justified.
The 31-year-old dad explained on the r/AmITheA–hole subreddit that when he hired Emma to watch his daughter, he asked her not to go into his bedroom or bathroom “unless it was necessary.” Despite setting a clear boundary regarding his private space, the dad soon realized that Emma was showering in his bathroom while he was at work.
He noticed that “the floor of the shower would be wet and some stuff would be out of place.” He described himself as “a neat guy, so I know I didn’t leave my sink like that, and water from my morning shower usually dries by the time I get home.”
One day, the dad became acutely aware of Emma’s disregard for his rules. He disclosed that he found a used tampon in his toilet and immediately confronted Emma. He asked if the appliances in her bathroom were working. She responded that everything worked fine. The dad then asked why she was using his bathroom.
According to his account, Emma “looked at me without answering for a few seconds, then said ‘sorry, I won’t do it again.’” He accepted her answer and told her to let him know if she wanted anything changed or fixed in her bathroom, which he would accommodate.
Two days later, the dad discovered that Emma was still using his bathroom — another unflushed tampon and the wet shower floor were all the proof he needed.
“At this point, I got very agitated,” he said. Emma had already gone to bed, so he waited until the next morning to broach the subject. He asked for an explanation as to why she was using his bathroom, if there was nothing wrong with her bathroom. She offered the same answer, apologizing and saying she wouldn’t do it again.
“I told her frankly if she enters my room or bathroom without a good reason again, I’m not going to be willing to have her in my home anymore and we can cancel the contract,” the dad stated. He considered locking the door to his room, but “wanted to see if she’d actually keep her word.”
After their second interaction, everything seemed fine. Then, one Saturday, the dad took his daughter to the park, leaving Emma alone. He planned to run errands, but his daughter grew fussy, so he brought her back home.
“When we walked through the door, I heard a door shut upstairs, footsteps, then another door opening and closing,” he explained. “I thought maybe she had gone to my daughter’s room for something, but when I entered my room, there was an empty coffee mug on my bedside table. It wasn’t mine.”
He stated that “nothing else was out of place or weird but that was evidence enough that she had been in my room again.” When he asked Emma why she had been in his room, she silently stared at him, offering no explanation. He expressed his frustration that she continually refused to follow “a very simple rule,” and told her that he didn’t want to feel uncomfortable in his own home.
The dad told Emma that he planned to cancel her contract and pay the termination fee. She didn’t argue with his decision or defend herself, and he went through with firing her.
When the dad told his friends that he fired the nanny for using his bathroom, they said his reaction was ‘stupid,’ because she didn’t ‘do anything terrible.’
“I thought I was totally justified but they’ve made me rethink it a bit now,” the dad ended his post, wondering if he was, in fact, the a–hole for firing the nanny.
The comments section ruled overwhelmingly in his favor; everyone offering their opinion deemed him “Not The A–hole.” Some people believed it was a cut-and-dry issue of Emma crossing a clearly established boundary. As one person explained, “She repeatedly breached your privacy and your trust.” Someone else stated that she was “violating personal space and professional boundaries… You’re within your right to terminate.”
Others questioned the stability of Emma’s mental health. One person said, “My wild brain tells me she’s pretending to be your wife in her little fantasy world.” Several other comments corroborated the idea that she was “living in some kind of fantasy.”
No matter what was going on in Emma’s internal world, the way she acted made the dad feel violated, leading him to lose trust. One person clearly outlined the severity of the situation, saying, “When somebody you entrust with a young child refuses to obey house rules and repeatedly and intentionally crosses boundaries about something as simple as bathroom use, you have to wonder what else they are doing that is in defiance of norms and rules.”
“This was not just one simple mistake, but repeated, intentional boundary-smashing,” they continued.
A live-in nanny is an intimate position for both parents and caregivers and requires consistent communication to ensure that everyone feels safe.
The dad trusted the nanny to provide adequate care for his daughter. Ultimately, her disrespect for his established boundaries led to him to lose that trust. With that essential element of their dynamic missing, the dad reacted in a way that protected himself and his family.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.