Don't Say To A 'College Abandoned Mother' That Her Son Is Just A Car Ride Away — 'For 18 Years He Was My Roommate'
It's hard seeing your kid grow into an adult.
@fancynancy1001 / TikTok The end of summer is always a bittersweet time for parents who have to see their children off to school. For Nancy, a mother of four, she recently uploaded a video of her firstborn son graduating from high school several months ago.
In her video, she shares an open letter to the parents that, she hopes, can relate to her situation as she emotionally prepares herself to be a “college abandoned mother.”
She tells people not to say that her son is ‘just a car ride away’ as he goes off to college.
“Don't say to a college abandoned mother how their child is just a car ride away,” she says in her poem. “It is the feelings of his absence at home that not even my words can convey.”
She claims that, for 18 years, he was her roommate. She would always find him at home when she got back from work but was dreading the idea that he would no longer be there.
What followed in the video was a montage of memories — videos of their summer together, of her son as a kid growing up, and all of the heartfelt moments that Nancy would likely remember for the rest of her life. She continued her poem with her heart on her sleeve.
“I know why daily I cry. You cannot send off a piece of your heart and expect that sadness won't pry,” she continues. “New chapters don't always come easy. Changes don't always feel good. I'd hold him in my mothering arms forever if I could.”
Nancy’s right. The closing and opening of chapters in your child’s life won’t always come so easily. What might seem like a normal moment to her son, means the world to her. While he’s excited to start his adult life and explore the opportunities college has to offer, Nancy has to come to terms with the fact that her baby boy is no longer her baby boy.
This isn’t just something that Nancy deals with either — it’s a completely normal experience for every parent. Sure, some parents might not look at these milestones with the same bittersweet lens, but that doesn’t make it any less valid — it also doesn’t make them cold.
A psychologist explained why it’s so hard to see your kids grow up.
Existential psychologist and professor Emmy van Duerzen explained to HuffPost why this phenomenon occurs, and why it’s so hard for parents to see their kids fly the coop.
“Right now your child is the core of your life, and your life is utterly defined by looking after them and protecting them,” Professor van Duerzen told HuffPost UK. “That’s made your life full, in a demanding way, so it takes up all your mind space. That makes it difficult to picture yourself letting go of your child, allowing them independence and filling a more distant role.”
Photo: @fancynancy1001 / TikTok
Nancy recognizes that now’s his time to claim his independence, and she makes it clear that she’s not trying to make his moment about her. “It's time to let him go. Be himself. It's time for him to shine. This time in his life, it's not about me.”
She talks about the small things she’ll miss, like the half-eaten yogurts and him telling her good news about his life, but above all else, she tells him how proud she is of him. “I am so very proud, and have been since you were a boy,” she says.
All she can do is hope that the lessons she imparted to him and his experiences continue to guide him in the right direction.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.