Woman Is Deeply Concerned When Boyfriend Destroys Her Makeup Aggressively To Prove She Is Beautiful Without It
The boyfriend's actions are being called abusive.
@justviraltv / TikTok; @antheanew / TikTok Oftentimes, society normalizes bad behavior by talking about abuse in a lighthearted way. Terms like gaslighting, anger issues, controlling, being possessive, and anxiety are thrown around too easily for small behaviors, therefore devaluing them when they are actually serious.
For this reason, it can be hard for people to recognize when they are in an abusive or controlling relationship.
A woman took to Reddit to explain why her boyfriend destroyed her makeup collection, prompting debate of whether or not this is abusive behavior.
The 20-year-old woman turned to the subreddit r/relationshipadvice to share an unnerving story about her boyfriend. Her boyfriend has always told her that she doesn’t need makeup and she has historically taken this as a compliment. However, makeup makes her feel confident so she wears it every day regardless.
One day, when she was getting ready to put makeup on, her boyfriend threw her foundation bottle on the floor. “I screamed because I was so shocked and confused,” the user (ThrowRa_Indigo) disclosed. Her boyfriend seemed regretful, she recalled, and he said that he did it to show her that she didn’t need makeup.
Scared, confused, and at a loss for words, she left the room. Several thoughts were spinning in her mind. “Was it a misguided attempt to show me he loved me? Or was he just backtracking after making a mistake?” she wondered.
Although her boyfriend did not harm her with the bottle, she did feel that his behavior was a “bit off.”
photo: Reddit / ThrowRa_Indigo
People were quick to point out that the boyfriend's behavior was a red flag.
One user wrote that the boyfriend’s act of breaking her makeup was not an attempt to show her she was pretty enough without it, but to show her that she’s not allowed to wear it. “This is a classic example of someone doing as much abuse as possible while still leaving you open to being gaslit,” another user wrote. A third user wrote that the woman's boyfriend chose a violent way to get her to comply.
The OP took what the users in the comment section said to heart. She posted an edit at the bottom of the post thanking them for showing her what she already knew — that his behavior was a red flag. She has since broken up with him and asked him to pay for the foundation.
According to clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, one of the signs of an abusive and/or controlling relationship is constant criticism. Chronic criticism can feel as though nothing you do is good enough. It can start with something small, such as not liking your partner wearing makeup, and then grow into a chronic issue.
The woman’s boyfriend was criticizing her about wearing makeup when he told her that she didn’t need it. When she did not change her behavior, he reacted violently.
Unfortunately, she's not the only woman subjected to this behavior, as it was a popular TikTok trend for men to destroy their girlfriend’s makeup.
A TikTok user by the name JustViralTV posted a series of TikToks documenting the process of destroying his girlfriend’s makeup to “teach her a lesson” because she kept leaving it out. In one of the videos, he showed himself writing “I love you” on the mirror with his girlfriend's lipstick.
He broke her powder products with a hammer in the sink and there was glee in his voice when he mentioned that he was breaking her “nice” products. He said one of her makeup brushes looked “cute” so he put it to the side and continued to destroy the rest of her makeup.
In part five of the series, the girlfriend was looking through her broken makeup and the TikToker said he would take her on a shopping spree for more makeup. He explained that he was going to get her “good, fancy makeup.” She was not enthused or excited about this and he told her that she had to “act happy.”
She gave him a rebuttal and he defended his actions by stating again that he was buying her new makeup. Still confused by his actions, she asked him why he had to destroy all of her old makeup even if he was buying her new stuff. “Because you kept leaving it out, if I get you new makeup, you can’t leave it out,” he told her in an attempt to defend his actions.
Lastly, he told his girlfriend to clean it up. When she refused, he left the room and said “see you later.”
The man in JustViralTV’s video likewise exhibited actions outlined by Bionor to be controlling. He created a debt that his girlfriend "owed" him by destroying her makeup and replacing it with better products, and will be able to hold this over her head later.
Another red flag the man exhibited was using guilt as a tool. He smashed the makeup because his girlfriend left it out.
Anthea, another TikTok user, posted a video in which she broke down the abuse that was shown here. Although she's not an expert, her analysis pointed out the red flags revealed in JustViralTV’s videos.
Anthea said there was hatred behind the maneuver of the destruction of the makeup. “It is really about erasing who she is, her personal preferences, what she likes, what she does for herself, how she asserts her own personhood... It is about replacing it with what you can control,” she explained. Anthea declared his actions to be an act of misogyny and advised his girlfriend to get out of the relationship.
Others agreed with Anthea and believed the boyfriend’s efforts were abusive.
Users agreed that the boyfriend's actions were abusive and controlling, that he would weaponize the makeup he bought her, and that they hoped she got out of the relationship safely.
There are many other TikToks where men destroy their girlfriend’s makeup. It’s disturbing that this became a trend, whether it's to get a reaction for the likes or because it was done out of revenge.
It's hard to recognize abusive behavior because it is normalized by society. And while many people thought the TikTok was just a prank, and therefore nothing wrong with the man's behavior, regardless of the intent, this type of behavior isn't "normal" in any relationship.
For victims and survivors of emotional abuse who need support, the National Domestic Violence Hotline has trained volunteers available to help 24/7/365. Call 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 for TTY, or, if you’re unable to speak safely, log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522.
Tarah Hickel is a Washington-based writer and a frequent contributor to YourTango. She focuses on entertainment and news stories including human interest stories and relationships.