11 Quiet Behaviors Of A Person Who Hates Their Job But Doesn't Want Anyone To Know
It's not always obvious when someone you work with absolutely despises their job.
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock For most people, working isn’t a choice, but rather, a necessity for daily survival. A steady stream of income is the only way to keep a roof over their heads and food on their table. Over the course of a person’s lifetime, they spend an average of 90,000 hours at work, which means they devote one-third of their time on this earth to their jobs.
Especially for American workers, our value is linked to our level of productivity. The idea of work-life balance is just that: an idea that’s nice in theory, but virtually impossible to achieve. While they’re not obvious, the quiet behaviors of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know push against the concept that work is the most important aspect of life.
Here are 11 quiet behaviors of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know
1. They don’t extend themselves beyond their job description
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One quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know is less about what they do and more about what they don’t do. Someone who low-key hates their job won’t do any work that’s not in their job description. They stay in their own lane, avoiding extra responsibilities.
While supervisors might not like their under-the-radar existence, these employees aren’t actually doing anything wrong. A job coach named Tanya, who has over 20 years of experience in both corporate and nonprofit sectors, explained why employees who do less work have the right approach to work.
“The happiest people at most companies are the people who do the least,” she said. “They show up to work every day. They do the bare minimum.”
“Nobody asks them for much, because they know they’re not going to do much,” Tanya said. “They collect their check and they go on their way.” They set low expectations, which keeps their stress at a minimum and gives them time to actually have a life outside of work.
“The most miserable people at work are the overachievers, the people who are going above and beyond,” Tanya continued. “You’re doing all of that, you’re not getting rewarded for it. They’re not gonna pay you more or elevate you. So, you have low confidence and lots of self-doubt.”
“Stop doing the most,” she advised. While taking this approach won't win awards, it will create a level of separation that supports the pursuit of inner peace.
2. They turn assignments in late
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Another quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know is turning in assignments after they’re officially due. While missing deadlines is often a sign that someone struggles with time management or has ADHD, it can also be a subtle act of disobedience or passive-aggressive behavior.
Philosophy professor Brit Brogaard defined passive-aggressiveness as “a tendency to engage in the indirect expression of hostility through acts such as subtle insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or a deliberate failure to accomplish required tasks.”
She noted that failing to finish required tasks often indicates someone is acting out in a passive-aggressive way. Brogaard acknowledged that this behavior isn’t always rooted in passive-agressiveness, noting that “If this is a result of work-related stress, problems at home, or a procrastinating personality, then it might not be a case of passive-aggressive behavior.”
“But if it's frequent and not obviously attributable to independent, external factors, it may be deliberate and count as passive-aggressive behavior,” she concluded.
3. They don’t accept compliments for their achievements
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Not accepting compliments is a quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know. While some people have a hard time hearing positive feedback, due to insecurities, self-doubt, or imposter syndrome, someone who quietly hates their job sidesteps compliments for a different reason.
They don’t take compliments for work done well because they don’t want to bring extra attention to themselves. They avoid the spotlight out of concern that they’ll be commended for their success with more work. Their unwillingness to accept compliments signals how disengaged they are from their job.
Licensed professional counselor Dr. Judith E. Pearson revealed that the way people handle compliments indicates whether they’re internal or external validators.
“A sincere compliment is a gift and often a sign of appreciation and admiration,” she explained, yet it’s not always easy for certain people to accept that admiration.
Dr. Pearson pointed out that internal validators “often regard compliments as nice, but unnecessary and superfluous… they can get satisfaction from doing something well, without outside recognition.”
In contrast, “external validators thrive on compliments. They need compliments and praise to know whether they've done a good job. They are good at asking for feedback and will apply it. They want to impress others. They can figure out what others want and deliver it,” she shared.
A person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know will reject compliments for a different reason. They don’t internally validate themselves because they don’t actually care about doing high-quality work. They don’t crave external validation because their colleagues' opinions don’t matter to them. Turning down compliments is their quiet way of expressing disdain and keeping themselves apart from any shared company culture.
4. They deflect personal questions
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Deflecting personal questions is a quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know. They’ll engage in conversation with colleagues, as long as it stays on the surface level, but they avoid answering any questions that might reveal how they really feel about their job.
If they are confronted by an inquisitive coworker, they keep their responses clipped. They offer vague remarks with a neutral tone of voice and they don’t hesitate to excuse themselves if they think the discussion is veering into overly personal territory.
During one-on-ones with their supervisor or their annual review, a person who hates their job will go to great lengths to keep their dissatisfaction under wraps. They speak as little as possible and evade questions about their long-term vision for the company or their professional goals.
They hate their job just enough that they don’t have anything good to say about it, but they don’t want to jeopardize their job security, which is why they stay quiet when it comes to giving feedback.
5. They don’t connect with coworkers
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Another quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know is keeping themselves at a distance from their coworkers. They’re polite in passing, but they’re not one to chat by the coffee machine or engage in office gossip. They’re consummate professionals, but their reserved demeanor has more to do with how much they hate their job, as opposed to any moral code holding them back from the rumor mill.
A person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know will limit their conversations to work-related topics. They don’t share what they did over the weekend or accept invitations to go out for happy hour. They draw a definitive line in the sand when it comes to separating work from the rest of their life.
Their coworkers might interpret their quiet behavior as some form of the cold shoulder or a low-level superiority complex, but a person who hates their job doesn't actually care what anyone thinks of them, as long as they’re left alone.
6. They only share ideas when explicitly asked
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A quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know is only sharing ideas or opinions when they’re explicitly asked to do so. They’ll attend meetings and listen at least some of the time, but they don’t contribute in a proactive way. If someone in a position of authority asks them for input, they’ll offer a concise, adequate answer, one that allows them to keep skating by.
While this approach won’t lead to any accolades, it’s not always a bad idea. A global business leader named Katie revealed that over-sharing is a common workplace mistake. She offered guidance on how to speak with intentionality in the workplace.
“Before you share information at work, you should ask yourself these two questions. First, ‘How will I feel after I share this?’ If the answer is anxious or frustrated or uncomfortable, then you probably shouldn’t share it,” she said. “Next, ask yourself, ‘What’s the impact if this information is shared elsewhere?’”
“When you’re sharing information with someone that could be sensitive information, you are assuming that they’re going to keep that information private,” she continued. “You need to ask yourself, ‘Do I trust this person?’ and ‘What would happen if this information was shared outside of the two of us?’”
A person who hates their job keeps their cards close to their chest because they don’t want anyone to know the extent of their displeasure.
7. They don’t decorate their workspace
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A quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know is that they don’t decorate their workspace. They don’t feel any attachment to their role, which means they’re not compelled to personalize their small corner of the company real estate.
They don’t pin photographs to the walls or decorate their desk with the miniature ice cream eraser collection their daughter gave them. They’d never consider keeping plants in their cubicle, because that succulent would become one more responsibility they don’t actually want. They might go so far as to hang a calendar, but that’s more for organizational purposes than anything else.
The blank, beige walls of their office reflect how much they hate their job. Not decorating their workspace is a quiet act of rebellion, plus, it means there’s nothing to pack up, so they could make an easy exit if it came down to it.
8. They take frequent breaks
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Another quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know is taking frequent breaks. They make sure to complete their required tasks over the course of a workday, but they also take more breaks than their coworkers do. They leave the office for lunch and take the full amount of time allotted. They don’t hesitate to go out for coffee in the afternoon, even though there’s a state of the art espresso machine onsite.
While the amount of breaks they take might not be viewed in a positive light, research has shown that stepping away from work is beneficial for people’s physical and emotional well-being, along with increasing their overall productivity.
A study published in 2022 noted that the corporate mindset of being “always on” has led to a “human energy crisis,” in which the intense demands of employees’ workload and extended hours prohibit them from fully decompressing, even when they clock out.
The study focused on momentary recovery and energy management strategies, looking at the impact of “micro-breaks” as a way for employees to rest and recharge, however briefly. The researchers noted that the most effective micro-breaks involved some form of stretching or exercise, which decreased fatigue and increased positive emotions, or checking in with friends or family members, which provided an increased sense of vitality.
A person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know will take any opportunity to escape the office, which gives them momentary respite from the pressures of work.
9. They avoid company social events
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A quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know is active avoidance of company-wide social events. They always have an excuse ready to justify why they can’t socialize after work hours. They skip the holiday party because they’re visiting family out of town. They dip out of every lackluster birthday celebration before the cake gets cut, because they have a gluten allergy.
Gleb Tsipursky Ph.D., outlined the underlying reasons why company social events breed such deep resentment in employees, describing the issue as, “The paradox of forced socializing.”
While the desire to instill a sense of connection between coworkers comes from a genuine place, company-mandated socializing has the opposite effect. Because it’s required, it strips people of their sense of autonomy and agency. Forced socializing doesn’t feel fun, since it's a professional obligation and not a choice.
10. Their body language is consistently tense
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A quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know is displaying tense body language. They seem to ooze stress and frustration, even when they’re alone. They keep their arms crossed over their chest and their shoulders seem to be permanently stuck at their ears. They avoid making eye contact when they pass people in the hallway, and any smile they offer seems more like a grimace.
They fidget during meetings, which signals how deep their discomfort goes. They tap their fingers on the table or jiggle their knees, as though they can’t wait to leave. Their closed-off demeanor sends a clear message that they don’t want to be there, even though they’d never say so out loud.
11. They take a lot of sick days
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A quiet behavior of a person who hates their job but doesn’t want anyone to know is taking a lot of sick days. While health and mental well-being is a deeply personal matter, someone who’s dissatisfied with their job could experience higher levels of stress, anxiety, and illness, which leads to them calling out of work more often than other people.
In the U.S., having access to sick days is a privilege, not a guaranteed right. The National Partnership for Women and Families reported that 57% of American workers lack employer-provided personal medical leave, and 21% lack paid sick days, which comes out to almost 27 million workers.
The amount of sick time provided to employees depends on the industry they work in, making the lack of access to paid sick leave a structural inequity. 46% of hospitality workers don’t get paid sick days. 31% of construction workers and 31% retail workers don’t get paid sick days.
Women are less likely than men to have paid sick days, as they’re overrepresented in lower-paid jobs, part-time work, and service jobs. Women of color and women with disabilities are more likely to work jobs that don’t provide medical leave. Women and workers of color are more likely to report being unable to take medical leave when they need it.
The lack of paid sick leave in the U.S. leads to an annual loss of $22.6 billion in wages, which highlights the economic impact along with social and moral implications.
While someone who hates their job might take more sick time than people with higher job satisfaction, their health and well-being is ultimately more important than work. If staying home provides inner peace. they should do whatever they need to achieve the balance they deserve.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.